The Dark Window

In honor of the Republican Convention, we're going to take a look at some of the very latest in Wing Nut fashion. Of course given the moderate face the Republicans are putting on for the world this week, you probably won't see these fine shirts on any of the delegates but rest assured that the most stylish Wing Nuts back in the provinces will be wearing them proudly.

Our friends at Christian Outfitters have just come out with their new fall line and are currently showcasing the hot new designs shown below. As a tribute to all those conservative members of the Republican Party who were asked to stay home this week, the Dark Window would like to offer the following ultra-mod t-shirts:




I just have to get out of this paper bag somehow first. A little help, please?




Know Jesus and get a metal toy jammed into your forehead.




One of the reasons Jesus' little-known plumbing business folded and he went into carpentry.




Wear this shirt to show the world that you're just as smart as your lord.




Because with the high price of all these crappy t-shirts, I can't afford Him anymore on my regular salary.




Finally...A shirt for Mary Kay Letourneau!




Tonight on Fox: Jesus steals a white pickup truck and leads the LAPD on an action-packed high-speed chase. After crashing into a parked car in North Hollywood, he flees on foot before finally being apprehended. Due to extensive bleeping and blurring, parental discretion is advised.

And finally, the folks at Christian Outfitters are pleased to offer an exciting new item...a clock! In their words, "Unique 12" X 12" wall clocks from Christian Outfitters are perfect for any decor." I think this photo will attest to that:




1 Cross. 3 Nails. 4 Given. 2 Ridiculous for words.

God bless America.

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:10 AM

If you enjoy a good laugh at the expense of the Right Wing fringe, I would like to introduce you to a fun site called WAR CHEERLEADERS, LAPTOP WARRIORS & other EVERYDAY LOONS. In spite of the fact that it refers to Sadly, No! as "mighty," there's a lot of great stuff there. Check it out.

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:05 AM

The big Republican Convention starts tonight and it's time for a special Dark Window preview. We start with a New York Times report entitled The G.O.P. Arrives, Putting Sept. 11 Into August.

Republican leaders said yesterday that they would repeatedly remind the nation of the Sept. 11 attacks as their convention opens in New York City today, beginning a week in which the party seeks to pivot to the center and seize on street demonstrations to portray Democrats as extremist.

Party aides said the convention would begin with an elaborate tribute to Sept. 11 victims, with speeches by Senator John McCain and former Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani, reminding voters of Mr. Bush's role in leading the nation after the attacks, which took place a couple of miles from Madison Square Garden, home of the convention.

The festivities will include John McCain reading some favorite passages from My Pet Goat and Rudy Giuliani hopping from one part of the stage to another to demonstrate how Mr. Bush so skillfully evaded the terrorists that day.



There's even talk that Zell Miller will hide behind the podium during his keynote address to remind voters of Dick Cheney's role after the attacks. It is election time, though, and our foul-mouthed Vice President has apparently left his bunker:

Indeed, the Sept. 11 invocations began even before the convention opened, leaving little doubt of the prominent role the attack on New York will play at the first Republican convention ever held in this city. At a rally yesterday afternoon on Ellis Island, Vice President Dick Cheney recalled the president's visit to ground zero three days after the attack.

"They saw a man calm in crisis, comfortable with responsibility and determined to do everything to protect our people," he said.

Well, I should certainly hope that he was calm and comfortable. After all, he'd just returned from this well-deserved vacation:

Six months after taking office, President Bush will begin a month-long vacation Saturday that is significantly longer than the average American's annual getaway. If Bush returns as scheduled on Labor Day, he'll tie the modern record for presidential absence from the White House, held by Richard Nixon at 30 days. Ronald Reagan took trips as long as 28 days.

Not to imply that he wasn't doing his job, of course.

In an otherwise dry day of hearings before the 9/11 commission, one brief bit of dialogue set off a sudden flash of clarity on the basic question of how our government let disaster happen.

The revelation came this morning, when CIA Director George Tenet was on the stand. Timothy Roemer, a former Democratic congressman, asked him when he first found out about the report from the FBI's Minnesota field office that Zacarias Moussaoui, an Islamic jihadist, had been taking lessons on how to fly a 747. Tenet replied that he was briefed about the case on Aug. 23 or 24, 2001.

Roemer then asked Tenet if he mentioned Moussaoui to President Bush at one of their frequent morning briefings. Tenet replied, "I was not in briefings at this time." Bush, he noted, "was on vacation." He added that he didn't see the president at all in August 2001. During the entire month, Bush was at his ranch in Texas. "You never talked with him?" Roemer asked. "No," Tenet replied. By the way, for much of August, Tenet too was, as he put it, "on leave."

But back to our story.

At the same time, responding to the sight of New York streets packed with protesters yesterday, Republican officials sought to connect the demonstrations to Democrats as part of a broader effort to paint Senator John Kerry as out of the mainstream. The Republican Party chairman, Ed Gillespie, noted to reporters that the legion of protesters included Peggy Kerry, Mr. Kerry's sister, who lives in New York and attended an abortion rights rally.

And Mr. Bush's campaign communications director, Nicolle Devenish, said in an interview: "Those who support the president are inside the Garden. Those who are opposed to the president's policies are protesting outside the Garden."

That brilliant analysis calls to mind a quote from our beloved President himself during the last election:

"If you don't stand for anything, you don't stand for anything!"

Of course he was smart enough to realize that his statement wasn't as profound as he'd intended it to be and immediately offered this clarification:

"If you don't stand for something, you don't stand for anything!"

Anyway, Bush must be happy that he found a communications director who can so faithfully articulate his own ideas.

The developments came on the eve of what party officials saw as a potentially tumultuous and politically complicated week. Mr. Bush seeks to accomplish a critical political goal - broadening his appeal to the center - against the backdrop of the biggest demonstrations in New York in 22 years and charges by some Democrats that he is trying to turn the tragedy of Sept. 11 to his political advantage.

Who? This guy?



Next, we head over to the Washington Post.

The GOP convention begins just 64 days before the election, and presents Bush with his best chance to dispel doubts about the war in Iraq and slow job growth at home, which have combined to put the president in unexpected difficulty. He acknowledged his electoral focus in an interview with Time published Sunday. Asked whether the war on terrorism would be decades-long, Bush quipped, "I'm a two-month man right now."

A lot of us have our fingers crossed about that one, Mr. President.

Bush also acknowledged in the interview that the administration did not anticipate the nature of the resistance in Iraq, and he said that was his greatest mistake in office. "Had we had to do it over again," he said, "we would look at the consequences of catastrophic success, being so successful so fast that an enemy that should have surrendered or been done in escaped and lived to fight another day."

Boy, talk about a flip-flop:

"But I hope the ambitious realize that they are more likely to succeed with success as opposed to failure."
- President Bush, Interview with the Associated Press, Jan. 18, 2001

So get ready for fun times over the next few days, dear readers, because just like Christmas in July, September 11th is coming early this year!

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:25 AM

A certain friend of the Dark Window seems to have had himself quite a nice weekend. We're not saying anything more than that.

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:10 AM

Over the past several weeks, the good folks at World Net Daily have been constantly hyping a book by Michael D. Evans about America's role in Bible prophecy. Today they went a little further and linked to an interview with the author himself.

As you'd expect from a World Net Daily link, it's a good one.

Just try to keep one thing in mind as you read it...While this guy may seem like a fringe crackpot, he's a fringe crackpot with a great deal of influence. His book is currently at #10 on the New York Times bestseller list.

Michael D. Evans is an evangelist, writer, and founder of the Jerusalem Prayer Team, whose mission is "to guard, defend and protect the Jewish people...until the redeemer comes to Zion." Among its supporters are televangelist Pat Robertson, and Tim LaHaye, author of the best-selling "Left Behind" novels.

Given that Michael's mission is to guard the poor Jews until Jesus gets a chance to convert them, is it any surprise that Pat and Tim are here too?

Two weeks ago, Evans published a book, The American Prophecies: Ancient Scriptures Reveal Our Nation's Future, in which he theorizes that biblical prophets predicted America is doomed unless it stops accommodating the Arab world in exchange for its oil. He believes Americans are risking God's wrath by not supporting what he believes is God's biblical mandate that Israel have full control of the West Bank and Gaza. Evans also theorizes that many of America's problems--including September 11--are evidence of God's fury that America doesn't fully support Israel.

I certainly can't find any flaws in that analysis so let's get right to the questions.

Why do you say that America’s story is contained within biblical prophecies?

Michael begins his response to this question by talking about Ishmael, Isaac, and Franklin D. Roosevelt. But then he unleashes something of a surprise.

On Sept. 23, 1979, the founder of Israeli intelligence over dinner told me that America was developing a tolerance for terror. The gentleman’s name was Isser Harel, the founder of Mossad Israeli intelligence—he ran it from 1947 to 1963. He told me that America had developed an alliance between two countries, Israel and Saudi Arabia, and that the alliance with Saudi Arabia was dangerous and would develop a tolerance for terror among Americans. He said if the tolerance continued that Islamic fundamentalists would ultimately strike America. I said “Where?” He said, “In Islamic theology, the phallic symbol is very important. Your biggest phallic symbol is New York City and your tallest building will be the phallic symbol they will hit.” Isser Harel prophesied that the tallest building in New York would be the first building hit by Islamic fundamentalists 21 years ago.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the Bible tells us that terrorists attacked the World Trade Center because it looked like a really big penis.

So extrapolating from the scenarios of the Bible, what do you believe is our nation’s future, based on prophecy?

The story of prophecy that has to do with the Jews goes all the way through to the end of the Book of Revelation. Jesus prophesied in Matthew 24. The disciples said, “What shall be the signs of the coming of the ends of the age?” And he said, “The first sign would be deception.” Now, there’s never been greater deception then what happened on September 11, 2001. In the 1990s, New Age relativism redefined a terrorist as just an “extremist.” Bill Clinton and his moral relativism wanted [a Middle East peace agreement] because he was trying to get a postage stamp of himself over Monica’s face. By doing that, he sent a signal to the Islamic fundamentalist world that was already in a rage, that America would embrace terrorism.

Michael's really a brilliant man. How could we have missed such an obvious connection between blowjobs and terrorism for all these years? The only thing I can figure is because we took the Bible out of so many public places. If only we'd listened to Judge Roy (Rob) Moore when we had the chance!

What does your theory mean for the coming presidential election?

Number one, we’re in a horrendous battle between darkness and light. We began with a distraction of our moral principles We saw it through the 1960s and the 1970s. We saw it through abortion and prayer in school and all these other issues. We saw it in the White House through Clinton. Then we saw that it translated into our foreign policy--not just our domestic policy. It spread like the Ebola virus.

Any question which candidate is darkness and which one's light? Hey, people, don't look at me like that...It's in the freakin' Bible, for God's sake!

And now we realize that the holy grail of understanding is that 9/11 was the most apocalyptic day in American history. And we woke up from our innocence to realize that we cannot put our heads in the sand any longer. We’ve got to stand up to the New Agers who believe that a terrorist is not a terrorist.

Wow. So the New Agers are behind the terrorist attacks too. Who knew? Oh, right. God and Michael did.

I want to get back to the presidential election. You support President Bush. What happens if Kerry wins?

If Kerry wins, we get Clinton all over again because Kerry has already brought in most of Clinton’s holdovers. We’ll get New Age liberals who will have the same Middle East policies that Clinton had, which is no Middle East policy. We’ll go back to more peace conferences, we’ll go back to getting the Jews to give up more land, putting more pressure on Israel. It will be the liberal, New Age, kumbaya mantra that will wreck this country.

Nothing more ungodly than a damn peace conference.

But in a prophetic sense what does that mean?

We’ll get two Sauls in a row. King Saul was rejected by God. We’ll have gone from a Clinton Saul to a Kerry Saul.

You know, I was going to make a joke about getting two Wing Nuts in a row but then I realized that Michael's in a very special class all by himself.

Do you envision an apocalyptic scenario as a result?

I think it will open the floodgates for more terror. Because the only things terrorists understand is power. This is a battle between two books, two kingdoms and two spirits.

And two really giant penises. Don't forget that one.

But how does it help them if Kerry is elected?

Kerry is going to be a New Ager. He’s going to be a One World boy. He’s going to unify France and Germany and a lot of the countries that the Saudis kiss up to. So the Saudis are going to feel like, “Happy days are here again,”--like they were under Bill Clinton. George Bush believes that a war is going on, and that the Saudis are helping fund it. Kerry doesn’t feel that way. Kerry is going to be kinder and gentler to the Saudis, and he’ll talk to them. Bush will probably continue fighting the war on terrorism, whereas Kerry will try to find a way of redefining the war on terrorism as good terrorists vs. bad terrorists or good terrorist states vs. bad terrorist states.

What on earth could I possibly say to that?

Have a great weekend, everybody! And please keep your pants on...We don't want to provoke the terrorists!


Update: S.Z. reminds me that Bartholomew previewed Michael Evans' book last month. Make sure you check out his excellent piece in which we learn that God Himself may have killed F.D.R.

Posted by: Pete M. / 3:37 AM

As you may already have heard, Seb over at Sadly, No! had to leave his secret German bunker unexpectedly to return to Canada for a funeral. To try to help out, I've posted my main entry for today over at his blog. It explores an entirely different kind of t-shirt than the ones we usually make fun of here at the Dark Window and I invite you to go have a look.

But first, since we're bi-continental (i.e. France worshippers) here at the Dark Window, we're also bringing you three very special Wing Nuts we found right here in the good old U.S. of A.

Wing Nut #1 is a happy fellow named Gary Schneider who's written a new column about the tyranny of gay marriage. He starts off with this heart-warming story:

Years ago, during my days in college I was told a true story of a young man in his late teens who was attending party with his girlfriend of some years.

Notice that Gary wasn't there himself. As you read the rest of his piece, you may start to understand why he doesn't spend a lot of time at parties. I happen to think it's because nobody wants to invite him.

Typical of most parties with alcohol, loud music and dancing, the two drifted throughout the scene becoming engaged in separate activities that night, throwing each other those periodic glances that couples do to check up on the other. As the hours passed the young man seemed to disappear from sight, prompting a search of the party premises by his concerned better half.

How do you "seem to disappear from sight?"

She scanned the halls and rooms of the house only to discover a closed door behind which were the sounds of some unknown activity. Curious, she opened the door to a darkened room that was lit only by the moons of two unsuspecting souls. One of the moons was very familiar to her, the other was not.

Uh...I don't really even know what that means. Gary seems to have some strange ideas about what transpires behind all those closed doors in life.

Her boyfriend, recognizing the glaring silhouette in the doorway, promptly arose in all his glory and desperately protested: “Its not what you think!”...But alas it was. It is my understanding that this is the tireless mantra he maintains to this day. Apparently for some, hope remains eternal that disobliging truth, no matter how obviously exposed, can be successfully denied or sufficiently obfuscated if done so with unscrupulous persistence. This young man was surely a Liberal.

Yes, surely.

Gary goes on to talk about evil Senator Christopher Dodd and how he's just like that moonish young man because he opposes the Federal Marriage Amendment. The column then ends with a reminder of the tyranny we now face.

When objectively considering the multitude of legal actions being progressed by the gay lobby and their allies (read ACLU, etc.) that persistently seek to undermine the will of the people and subjugate the rights of others in the name of “tolerance” or civil rights, one can only come to the conclusion that we are a nation and a people on the precipice of tyranny.

This is undoubtedly true. None of us will truly be free if gays are allowed to marry one another. Thank heavens Gary's willing to stand up for the little people.

Next up we have Wing Nut #2, Nancy Salvato. She's written a warm bit of nostalgia entitled Back To School Blues. In this dreamy look back at the glory days of yesteryear, Nancy tells us how sad she is that our schools have become nothing more than factories to produce little socialists.

As a child of the 70’s, I used to love back to school shopping. My mom and I would go to the mall for two or three new outfits, school shoes and gym shoes. We’d then go to Turn Style or Venture to buy the essential pens and pencils, ruler, notebook paper and any other necessities for that grade. Those days are gone.

As a child of the 70's myself, I used to love Evel Knievel. I would drape a bath towel around my neck to make a cape and do crazy stunts in the backyard. Unfortunately, those days are also gone.

Mainly because I no longer have a backyard.

For many kids, there is shock and disappointment when their new teacher collects all of the handpicked supplies and puts them into a group box to be shared. For others, the PTA purchases the school supplies in bulk and each child is issued the same materials. Where is the excitement in that?

Yes, whatever happened to that sense of capitalistic triumph when little Susie could stand up during class and shout, "All mine! This Trapper Keeper is my handpicked supply alone!"

Kids don’t buy clothes for “school” and clothes for “after school” anymore. Dress codes are ignored or the schools have opted for uniforms to deal with the inappropriate attire. The special time that occurs between a parent and a child during the “rites of passage” hasn’t been factored into the equation and the element of fun in picking out the school supplies has been eliminated.

Wait, wouldn't school uniforms mean that kids still have clothes for "school" and clothes for "after school?" And if Nancy's so dead set on her kids changing clothes all the time, why doesn't she just buy them extra outfits?

Because then she couldn't write her loony columns, I guess.

Finally, we are visited by Wing Nut #3, our old friend Jan Ireland. You may remember Jan from last week when she complained about Teresa Heinz Kerry being an imperious bitch. Today Jan's mad because the stupid liberals are calling Alan Keyes a "carpetbagger." In fact, she got mad enough to prove that this whole idea is absolute nonsense.

Obama’s supporters are already shouting “carpetbagger” because Keyes currently lives in Maryland. But that’s a charge that just won’t stick.

The “carepetbagger” label comes from Keyes’s criticism of Hillary Clinton, who in 2000 chose New York for her Senate run – a place she had never lived, and in which she had shown little interest.

Unlike Principled Alan who grew up in Illinois and has spent years working tirelessly to find solutions to its unique problems. Except that he didn't and hasn't, of course.

Keyes told Fox News then, “I deeply resent the destruction of federalism represented by Hillary Clinton’s willingness to go into a state she doesn’t even live in and pretend to represent people there, so I certainly wouldn’t imitate it.”

Just wait until you see how Jan gets around this one.

Keyes recognized Mrs. Clinton’s crass desire for a power base for future campaigns. She stepped on other candidates, who had been waiting nicely in the Democrat line, for her own political plans. But Alan Keyes has done nothing like that.

Because Alan Keyes is a lovely Christian man who only wants to do good and Hillary is an evil bitch, it can't be carpetbagging, right?

Keyes and his family were approached by the people of Illinois. On abortion, Obama is even more liberal than the two current Johns running for president on the Democrat ticket. Jill Stanek, new columnist for World Net Daily, covered the Keyes speech for the Illinois Leader (See “Obama’s Waterloo – Live Aborted Babies?”).

Keyes explained, “What finally caught my eye, however, what finally arrested my attention and forced me to consider whether I not only have the opportunity to oppose [Obama], but the obligation, was when I learned that he had actually, in April 2002, apparently cast a vote that would continue to allow live birth abortions in the State of Illinois.”

In other words, Keyes isn't a hypocrite because he believes the same things as Jan does.

Please tune in again tomorrow when we'll do pretty much the same thing we do every day here at the Dark Window...make fun of people.

But then really, what else would you expect from a liberal?

Posted by: Pete M. / 2:30 AM

That's the exciting title of Bob Pratt's brilliant new column over at Bush Country. So fasten your seatbelts, ladies and gentlemen, because he's about to take us on a wild ride.

Comprehend these facts if you want to advantageously debate misguided persons before election time, not that it matters in Indiana (my home State) in light of the fact that our state is a shoe-in for electoral votes reinstating W. BUSH in the White House!!!...The right thing to do.... You know !!, the man who has been fighting terrorism in the real world, not lobbing a missile at the desert of some country in a feeble effort to authenticate a reprisal as did the very phony person at the helm in the 90s, Unslick willie klinton. “kLINTON IS THE ONLY MAN IN HISTORY THAT HAS THE DISTINCTION OF DESPOILING AMERICA FOR ALL TIME TO COME” and the silly charges he was tried on were a diversion from his many real crimes, one being the selling of our miniaturization of nuclear missile components to the PRC, China, and multiple murder in Arkansas and Washington DC.

Both the PRC and China, eh? Unslick willie klinton sure does sound like a bad dude. But really, when you think about it, selling multiple murder in Arkansas is probably a pretty good line to get into.

Anyway, I tried to follow Bob's advice and "comprehend these facts" but I have no idea what the heck he's talking about so far. And just between you and me, I have a suspicion that he doesn't know either.

No, you must give much, much credit to GEORGE W. BUSH for his leadership in accomplishing what he did and all that with a crippled CIA and FBI for almost a decade, crippled by clinton's politically correct agenda.

Mr. Pratt appears to be a master of creative capitalization. First it was kLINTON and now it's clinton. I'm happy to learn that the avant garde is so appreciated over at Bush Country. I'll bet they even let Bob wear a beret on Fridays!

I thought that algore was the worst person ever to be a candidate for president, but I didn't know how far down the Dems would have to reach to get to the bottom of the proverbial barrel muck, when the “DEMOCRAT PARTY ENDORSED JOHN KERRY”. To me this is the “Comedy of Eros” and electing this weird person to be President is the most unthinkable concept ever presented and I am just about sure it cannot be done.

And I am just about sure this column cannot be deciphered. But I will say this: When Bob starts talking about erotic comedy, I get nervous.

Really nervous.

Now some more facts:...There were 39 combat related killings in Iraq during the month of January... In the city of Detroit here were 35 murders in January alone. One city, about as deadly as the war torn country of Iraq.

Is it any coincidence that Detroit and Iraq both have a lot of Arabs? I think not.

Some persons claim President Bush shouldn't have started this war, they are wrong-headed, he didn't start this war, terrorists have attacked us many times in the last twenty years and it has not been rebuffed in a viable way. You must start somewhere to stop this one sided war and that is to observe it in the truth of reality.

That's almost poetic. "You must start somewhere to stop." Well, in a Donny and Marie kind of way. Actually, though, I think we may have a pretty good song here. So please put your hands together for the Dark Window variety show!

They're all wrong-headed, woooo-ooooo
With no viable way in si-i-ight.
You must start somewhere to stop, baby
And observe my tender truth of re-a-li-ty-y-y-yyyy.

You may not realize it but “YOU DO NOT WANT A DEMOCRAT FLAKE IN THE HIGHEST OFFICE OF THE LAND IN WAR TIME, ESPECIALLY ONE AGAINST AN ENEMY THAT HAS SUCH A FOOTHOLD IN AMERICA” and I am sure the voters in flyover country which is almost totally ignored by big city Dems, will have more get-back votes to pay for the Florida fiasco of trying not to let the military vote in for counting.

I almost hate to make fun of this guy. I don't think I've read such an original interpretation of the English language since Finnegans Wake. But I guess that makes sense. Ulysses employed the language of the day, the Wake invoked the language of the night, and Bob Pratt's column can only be described as using the language of hiding under your Snoopy blanket and shrieking at the top of your lungs.

The Dems are retardant about how the length of this war, but... It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51 day operation by the Government of the US to teach all dissenters a lesson, while Timothy McVeigh and Nichols taught the US government with their assist to kill a load of feds in revenge mode. I wrote to and received mail and magazines from Tim McVeigh while he was in Terre Haute and advised him to adhere to the advice of a Catholic Nun's offering of solace at that time.

Okay, now I have no trouble making fun of this guy. He just went from being ridiculous to being scary.

We've been looking for evidence of chemical weapons in Iraq for less time than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records. If I were the head of a country that is in violation of U.N. Mandates which are virtually worthless as past history has shown as a condition of an aggressive war against a peaceful nation, Kuwait, I would be very appreciative of a period of more than a year to hide my nasties very deep or transferred. (look in France, Iran or Syria)

Bob, I'm going to say this as nicely as I can: I don't think anybody wants to see your nasties. Put them back in your pants.

Please.


Bob Pratt, a man who likes to hide his nasties

An offside comment here is, (“France is and has always been, the most disgusting and dishonorable place on God's earth to be designated as a country or receive lip service from the rest of the total world in any category or respect and hopefully will be replaced by India as one of the five on the voting board of the illegal UN)

I give up! I can't lampoon this stuff. It's pure comedy gold already. If Bob keeps writing these columns, I'm going to be out of a blog soon.

Our Commander-In-Chief, GEORGE W. BUSH-43 is doing a good job and morale is pretty darn high! The anchorite media hopes we are too incognizant to realize the facts, and now does not just exaggerate but expands on outright lies to the public.

It is a fact if a lie is repeated often enough, it becomes truth in the brain of the beholder. And it is also a fact that the Jewish owned and paid for media has most of the ink to implement and promote false information, in the U.S.

Yet another fine example of how the good conservatives over at Bush Country are the best friends Israel ever had.

There has never been a more contrasted representation, for decades, of differences in the DEM and GOP campaigns than there has been this year. Actually, now it has become a contest of wills and propaganda in the left and the right, but also a complete introduction of governmental and operational differences in Democrat Socialism, that the Europeans swear by and the Solidarity of a great Republic of laws and freedom of the law-abiding individual and citizen voters of our America's beautiful system of Nationalism and it's benefits. The globalist hate our concept, many receiving the benefits of our hard earned freedom are being total ingrates not deserving or worthy of the benefits of our country's system and that may very well include Kerry.

I've read that paragraph at least ten times. I figured it was important because it's the last one in the column. But I'll be doggone if I can make any sense of it.

I think Bob's saying that the European socialists have a great Republic and that they respect laws and freedom. I'm not sure who this globalist guy is but he seems pretty down with the lingo to be able to leave the "s" off of his verbs like that. And I'll confess to being surprised with the closing thought that Kerry is one of the many fine benefits our country has to offer.

I think that's what the column was trying to say anyway. Like any fine piece of literature, Bob appears to be open to interpretation.

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:20 AM

Jack Kinsella, Hal Lindsey's lovable sidekick, has a new column out and it's a good one. Yes, today our Oracle in Training (OiT) is breaking theological ground with a new column about how the Bible predicted John Kerry's Treason.

The first part of the piece is all about how Michael Moore's movie, Fahrenheit 9/11, is being shown to soldiers in Kuwait. This makes Jack really mad because it's causing soldiers to question the reasons why they're fighting in the first place.

Just look at our actions during the Second World War, he says, when anything critical of the war effort was censored.

During the Second World War, troop morale overseas was deemed to be a matter of national security. Defeatism was not only discouraged, it was censored. The 1st Amendment survived. So did the United States of America.

That's good enough for me. Shut down the first amendment, please.

Jack goes on to describe Lord Haw-Haw and Tokyo Rose, two people tried for treason after the war. According to Jack, their main crime was that they tried to break US morale. Since this is the same thing John Kerry and Michael Moore do, they should probably be killed too. Of course he doesn't say that last bit but, well, follow the logic.

Sorry. That "logic" should have been in quotation marks.

With the Vietnam War, treason became fashionable. What led Lord Haw-Haw to the gallows and put Tokyo Rose in prison put John Kerry in the Senate, for example.

I wonder if Jack's ever actually read what John Kerry said to the Senate Committee. I think it's far more likely that he's simply regurgitating what he hears from Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity.

‘Treason’ as an indictable crime, has a specific legal definition. But Webster’s defines the meaning of ‘treason’ as follows:

Old Jack's a sly one. Since John Kerry and Michael Moore have done nothing approaching the legal definition of treason, Jack's going to prove, using only his dictionary, that they should be judged as if they had.

Did I mention that Jack's column is part of his ministry that operates based on gifts and donations? Thank God the little old ladies sent him enough money to spring for a dictionary!

Anyway, here's Jack's quote from "Webster's:"

“The offense of attempting to overthrow the government of the state to which the offender owes allegiance, or of betraying the state into the hands of a foreign power; disloyalty; treachery.”

Well, while we've got "Webster's" open, let me try one.

Moron: 1 A retarded person mentally equal to a child between eight and twelve years old. 2 A very foolish or stupid person.

I didn't even require a donation to do that!

John Kerry’s antiwar activities are a textbook example of a person betraying the state into the hands of a foreign power. Screaming, “1st Amendment privilege,” Kerry handed the North Vietnamese all the propaganda they needed to break US morale and ultimately hand Hanoi victory. That is a matter of historical record.

Jack's column is definitely a textbook example of something too.

Michael Moore’s antiwar ‘documentaries’ like Fahrenheit 9/11 are further examples of leftist treason, according to Webster’s definition. Both Kerry and Moore are guilty of betraying the state into the hands of a foreign power by their conduct. In Kerry’s case, the betrayal was complete and the victory went to Hanoi.

Jack's ability to use the dictionary seems only to be surpassed by his incredibly strong grasp of history. But seriously, how could we possibly vote for the guy who single-handedly caused America to lose the Vietnam war?

In Moore’s case, the betrayal is ongoing. Screaming, “1st Amendment privilege,” Moore’s wild, unproven allegations about the war in Iraq and why we are there is sapping the will of America to stay the course, and, heartbreakingly, the will of the men in harm’s way.

Because if you question a conservative leader, you're guilty of treason. Simple as that, really.

Jack goes on to give some reasons why we invaded Iraq in the first place (even though none of them seems to have anything to do with the reasons given at the time). You know, things like the fact that Saddam Hussein was a puppet of the French, Germans, and Russians and how thousands of Iraqis were dying each day. Oh, and just what was Saddam planning to do with that yellow cake uranium from Niger anyway?

Those were the reasons our troops went to Iraq, and they were proud to do it. Those I've met who returned from Iraq were filled with a sense of accomplishment and the rightness of their mission.

Michael Moore betrayed them, stole their pride, and instilled in them a sense of futility that may well get some of those who are still in combat killed. Moore knows that -- he's been told by experts.

Yes, not only is Michael Moore betraying our country, he's actually killing our soldiers. It's amazing he hasn't been executed yet.

Treason is evidently no barrier to high office, as John Kerry’s candidacy makes clear. And treason is no barrier to wealth, fame and high honors, as Michael Moore’s wildly successful enemy propaganda films testify to so eloquently.

Just as a complete lack of rational thought is evidently no barrier to having your own ministry.

To them, America is the enemy, but to their twisted way of thinking, that makes them ‘patriots’ – so say the likes of Michael Moore, John Kerry, Alec Baldwin, Teddy Kennedy, etc., etc.

Great logic, that is. Anybody who questions a foreign policy that alienates our traditional allies and invades a sovereign country under false pretenses can only be described as one who views America as the enemy.

But Jack's just getting warmed up, ladies and gentlemen. Because it's not just "Webster's" that thinks John Kerry and Michael Moore are evil. You see, God thinks they're evil, too. Not only that, but John Kerry's also a sign of the apocalypse!

At the risk of repeating myself, Paul’s description of society in the last days bears more than a passing resemblance to our own crumbling social edifice. Consider, for a moment, the platform, tone and spirit of those who represent the American Left.

Picture such faces in your minds eye as John Kerry’s, or Michael Moore, or Alec Baldwin, Nancy Pelosi, Ted Kennedy, Tom Daschle. . . ok, got it?

You think you know where Jack's going with this, don't you? Well, you're wrong. Because he's about to take this to an entirely new Wing Nut plane of existence.

Now look at what they stand for. Abortion rights. Gay rights. Secular humanism. The suppression of Christianity. Same sex marriages. Children’s rights (and the corollary erosion of parental rights) Even UN rights over US sovereign matters like national defense.

Good God, no! Not children's rights! What a bunch of Satan-worshippers!

Now, look at how they advance their causes. By creating division – the ‘two Americas’ the ‘rich against the poor’ (class warfare is a technique perfected by the Bolsheviks to overthrow the Czar. It is classical Marxism).

By fomenting civil unrest. By advocating civil disobedience. Recall all the illegal gay ‘marriages’ performed by elected officials in defiance of the law, for example. (Also classical Marxism)

You gay? You wanna get married? Then you're a commie. Simple as that.

Still within the realm of ordinary Wing Nuttism, you say? Just keep reading.

Let’s return to Paul’s comments, one more time. Bear with me.

First, the historical context of which Paul is framing his description:

"This know also, that in THE LAST DAYS, perilous times shall come." Having established the historical context as being in the 'last days' Paul describes the social conditions that constitute 'perilous times' for the Church in those last days.

"For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy." (2nd Timothy 3:2)

Well, that was nice and all but God didn't really do a great job of making his Word clear so Jack's going to help Him out. Hooray for Jack!

Allow me to paraphrase Paul to illustrate my point (with apologies to the Author). "For men shall supporters of secular humanism, wanting power at all costs, boasters (Was Kerry in Cambodia in 1968?) supporters of the ACLU, supporters of restricting parental rights, unthankful and unholy."

“Without natural affection (gay marriage) trucebreakers (Kerry’s promise to bug out of Iraq) false accusers (Bush lied, Bush was AWOL, SWIFT Boat veterans are all partisan liars, etc) incontinent (Teddy Kennedy) fierce (Terry McAullife: Bush was AWOL) despisers of those that are good (GOP taken over by the “religious right”)”

“Traitors (see assessment) heady, high-minded, lovers of pleasure more than lovers of God, having a form of godliness (Kerry the Catholic believes life begins at conception but supports abortion ‘rights’), but denying the power thereof :(One nation, under God?) . . . to which, Paul warns the Church, “from such turn away.”

This is perhaps the lowest I've ever seen a Wing Nut go. And if you've read the Dark Window for any length of time, you know that's saying something.

This is not intended as an exhortation for one political party or a condemnation of the other. They stand either condemned or justified on the weight of their own positions.

Sure, Jack.

The point of this column is actually made by 1 Timothy 1:1.

Before presenting a literal description of the worldview of the America liberal left, Paul opens by saying;

“This know also, that IN THE LAST DAYS, perilous times shall come.”

Questions, anyone?

How on earth could I question anybody with enough authority to put words into God's mouth?


Jack Kinsella, The New Voice Of God

Ed. Note: It occurs to me that many of you may be wondering why I would choose to devote such a lengthy entry to somebody as apparently obscure as Jack Kinsella. Especially since even by Seb's standards this wasn't a particularly funny piece. Well, the sad fact is that Jack's not nearly as obscure as he probably should be. People like him (and Hal Lindsey) have an enormous audience and a great deal of influence, whether through Christian television (TBN), print media, or the internet. We ignore these people at our own peril.

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:20 AM

In our quest to keep up with all the latest Right Wing trends here at the Dark Window, we recently came across a "new" product that all the cool Wing Nuts are talking about. You see, some brilliant patriots got it into their heads that you can never have enough of a good thing. Well, enough of a thing, anyway.

And so they came up with an item that bills itself as "The Definitive Collection of Political Playing Cards."

Please, ladies and gentlemen, try to keep your composure.

Liberty Productions is pleased to make available the 2004 edition of the Bush League All Stars collection of political playing cards. Combining a generous mix of satire, art, and conservative commentary, the Bush League All Stars constitute a heaping five-course meal of conservative red meat served up for the vast right-wing conspiracy to devour in droves!

I certainly won't malign the idea that this set is a good representation of a heaping five-course meal of conservative red meat.

Add to this collection a very special tribute deck honoring the Coalition-of-the-Willing, and what you end up with is an entertaining and enlightening election year collectible that no politics junkie or informed voter should be without.

The Coalition-of-the-Willing set: defining every possible meaning of 'not playing with a full deck.'

Have you grown tired of the endless barrage of hastily-assembled, overpriced cookie-cutter political playing card decks that have flooded the market since the release of the popular Iraqi Most Wanted deck of cards? Your patient wait for reasonably priced, top-notch conservative satire is finally over!

Yeah, nothing "cookie-cutter" about that! I guess there's a reason why everybody calls Liberty Productions the Sadly, No! of political playing card manufacturers.

“Why pay upwards of $14.95 for ONE DECK of boring photos and annoying rants? Why not get a better bang for your buck with SIX DECKS of unrestrained right-wing satire and patriotic tribute – and all for just $29.95? These are quality cards, folks. Printed on 300 Corona 2-Ply card stock by world renowned card manufacturer, Carta Mundi, these cards are the real deal!

Well, at least somebody on the Right has finally acknowledged that all those other decks were pretty boring. But that's some logic. One deck = boring. Six decks = hours of unrestrained fun.

Uh...Woohoo!

SO LET US REVIEW....
$14.95 FOR ONE DECK OF CRUD = BAD DECISION!!

I'll certainly agree with that.

$29.95 FOR SIX DECKS OF QUALITY = GOOD DECISION!!

It is, after all, the American way. If one of something is bad, then six of the exact same thing must be positively sublime.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE---IT GETS EVEN BETTER!!!

You can hardly imagine my excitement at this moment.

BUY TWO SETS, GET ONE FREE!!
SO WHAT THIS MEANS IS....

I may be a little slow but I'm pretty sure I know what that means. I would wager that even Seb knows what it means.

GOOD DECISION X 2 = FREE STUFF!!
WHICH MEANS YOU CAN THEN....
USE ONE SET FOR CARD GAMES....
GIVE ONE SET AS A GIFT...
AND SAVE THE THIRD AS A COLLECTIBLE!

That's right. If you’re truly cool, you'll actually buy 18 decks of these things.

“It’s a slam-dunk win-win. You get the best conservative satire ever slapped onto the face of a playing card, PLUS you are contributing to a worthy and timely cause.

Who wouldn't want the best conservative satire "ever slapped onto the face of a playing card?"

To those who think they can beat us on quality and price, we proudly quote the heiress-leeching, running-mate-ass-slapping, ski-crashing, botox-injecting, Whoopi-loving, intern-shipping, throwing-a-baseball-like-a-girl, sleep-inducing, flip-flopping, long-faced Massachusetts liberal who, by the way, served in Vietnam, in laying down our challenge to them to....BRING....IT....ON!!!!

I was about to quote the oil-worshipping, bunker-hiding, draft-dodging, Halliburton-protecting, crooked-mouthed Wyoming Wing Nut but realized that would probably be inappropriate at a family blog such as this one.

But don’t purchase just yet.

I promise I won't.

Take a few moments, if you will, and come join us for a brief tour of political playing cards the way they were meant to be made!

As taught in the seminal 1927 work Political Playing Card Manufacturing: An Industrial Primer.

These cards have been designed for those folks who have more than a passing interest in politics, have ever been referred to by others as a politics junkie, a political junkie, maybe a news junkie, or perhaps even a newshound or a news hound.

Translation: anybody who has ever been referred to as a Wing Nut, a wing nut, a wingnut, or perhaps even a wing-nut.

These cards are geared towards the vast right-wing conspiracy, towards those looking for conservative humor, or conservative cartoons, or perhaps an art form called conservative satire, or conservative parody, call it political humor, even political satire, heck, why not even call it political parody?

Heck, why call it that when you can call it keyword spamming?

So how about some examples of these quality cards. Let's start by looking at the Loopy Liberals, a group described thusly:

Next up is Loopy Leftists, a witty gathering of entertainment dunderheads, dorky activists, and left-wing “intellectuals”, all of whom share an undying love for liberalism and a never-ending disdain for America.

For starters, there’s MoveOn.org’s Wes Boyd Remember him? He says the president is a “misleader”. We say if anyone knows misleaders, it’s Wes Boyd.

Best conservative satire slapped onto a playing card indeed! "I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!"

And naturally, no deck of mental misfits would be complete without the Stupid White Man– no, not Rob Reiner or Al Franken, but those are good guesses! Are we having fun yet?

I kinda hate to break it to you guys but...

In the five-hole we present Thugs & Weasels, a witty yet sobering survey of evil-doers, bad-boys, and ne’er-do-wells who threaten the world’s pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness, ignominiously joined by the wusses and putzes who enable and encourage them.

Say, did Doug Giles write that?

Saddam Hussein understood well his best chance to re-open the rape-rooms.

Abu Ghraib? Nope. John Kerry.

Here's the card:



Gerhard Schroeder wasn’t nearly as confident.



Mohammed Atta is finding that Paradise isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Evidently because hell is filled with European girls.



And of course what group that includes Mohammed Atta would be complete without also including Jimmy Carter?



But lest you think these decks only disparage liberals, there's also this final deck that honors our most valiant heroes.

This deck pays honor and respect to the brave leaders of the Coalition-of-the-Willing, whose moral clarity and intellectual honesty enabled them to stand proudly with America up to and throughout the duration of Operation Iraqi Freedom.

Sure. How else would you describe the decision to invade Iraq than "intellectual honesty?"

So there you have it, folks. 101 of the best reasons to treat you and your friends, family and colleagues to the best that political playing cards have to offer. And if that wasn't enough, it is our pleasure to inform you that the best satire, parody, and commentary lies within the 200+ cards we didn't even show you!

I should certainly hope so!

See you later, everybody. I'm off to practice my shuffling skills.

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:20 AM

We at the Dark Window were overwhelmed with joy and gratitude when it was announced that we had won the very prestigious and highly sought-after McManama Award over the weekend.

Some guy named Pete runs a hilarious website called the dark window where he picks apart the arguments of right-wingnuts. His site is certainly the best of the genre, even though Sadly, No! (aparently run by some guy named Seb) is pretty good as well.

So imagine our surprise and disappointment when just hours later we read this at Andrew McManama's website:

Please Don't Hurt Me!!

Alarmed by such a frightening headline and scared for our new friend Andrew, we quickly read on.

I clearly made a mistake a couple of days ago, as the kind people of Sadly, No! pointed out.

Sounds like somebody had a little conversation with Andrew. I wonder who in the world it could possibly be.

But back to our bullied friend.

Dark Window isn't the funniest blog, it's TBogg but I plead ignorance! I hadn't ever been to it before they informed me.

There you have it, dear readers. Seb and that sinister lingerie-obsessed guy over at TBogg have teamed up to threaten anybody who claims to be a fan of the Dark Window. Are the two "tough guys" trying to compensate for a humiliating deficiency elsewhere? We'd hate to speculate (but we certainly encourage you to do so).

Unlike other delicate flowers in the blogging world, we promise never to threaten people who enjoy reading other websites. Well, unless they're reading Jesus' General. But that's just because we're jealous of how funny it is.

In the meantime, if you're easily intimidated, we won't hold it against you if you choose to visit a blog whose idea of original humor amounts to little more than quoting old Seinfeld episodes. That's just the kind of nice people we are here.

We'd like to close by offering a special thanks to Andrew for his far too kind words and short-lived award. We'll always cherish the three hours during which it belonged to us.

Posted by: Pete M. / 4:22 PM

August 20th, 2003: Exactly one year ago today. It was a day that started like any other day. The sun rose, Rush Limbaugh popped a few pills, and Wing Nuts all over the country shrieked. Yet this day turned out to be far from ordinary.

Had you been wandering around Salon.com and decided to look at the new blogs, you might have clicked on one that seemed, well, not quite like the others.

Here's the first thing you would have seen:



And beneath that these now-immortal words appeared:

Why You Should Read My Blog: It Will Serve You Coffee

And so began what we now know as the single-greatest (and funniest) blog on earth: World O'Crap.

Fortunately, the lovely and multi-talented writer who penned those words listed some reasons why the non-coffee-drinkers among us might want to read it as well.

“Here's why: because my blog is going to be about things we can all relate to. You know, cheesy movies, annoying politicans, weird advertising, Ann Coulter.

Sure. Who can't relate to Ann Coulter? Oh, wait. There's more.

And MORE!. Yes, all the mediocre, uninspired, muddle-headed, and just plain wrong stuff from this millennium and the previous one will be our playing field. And I, the Blogger With No Name who just road into town this weak with the naive and misguided impression I can clean up the town, will be your tour guide.”

Thank Heavens Frederick wasn't around yet because the spelling in that last sentence may very well have killed him.

Anyway, after what can only be called a misguided early attempt to become the Lileks of the Left, the blogger now known as S.Z. soon began to find her own delightful voice (as well as a strange new blog template). Here's one of her earliest offerings:

It seems that this guy Rob Moore is just not going to get his rock out of the rotunda--at least, not until the media stops covering this story.

Fortunately, S.Z. had a plan. And a lofty plan it was.

And while there have been a lot of people interviewed about the situation (Rob, his supporters, the Alabama State Attorney General, the ACLU, Jerry Falwell, etc.), it seems that nobody has talked to perhaps the key player in all of this: God.

Apparently she hadn't yet heard of Pat Robertson. Apparently she also hadn't heard that Rob's name is actually Roy. But I guess that's beside the point.

So, I got in touch with God's press secretary and managed to set up a short lunch meeting. Here's a transcript of our conversation:

And as you've probably already learned, those voices in S.Z.'s head tend to be pretty dang funny.

Me: Thanks for agreeing to talk with me.

God: No problem. I meet so few reporters these days that I felt it was my duty.

Me: Hey, was that a slam?!? But let's move on. As you know . . .

God: Yes. I'm omniscient.

I'll just let that one sink in for a moment.

After a few days of discussing Rush Limbaugh and Judge Roy Moore with God, S.Z. began to branch out from the small realm of metaphysics and politics and began to explore a larger world. Yes, she began to cook actual "regrettable" recipes from America's golden age.

I never thought it would come to this, but World O' Crap readers (and consequently, my new best friends) Cowboy K. and A. Steele have dared me to actually prepare "Sea Dream Salad," so I guess I'll have to (our national security is at stake, you know). So, I'll stock up on lime Jell-O, cucumbers, cayenne pepper, and various forms of marine life, and will endeavor to make the dish later this week. Unless Homeland Security downgrades the Code Lime Green, of course.

Ah, yes, lime green alerts. Those really were innocent times, weren't they? But Cowboy K. and A. Steele? Obviously made-up names. Well, made-up porn names. Not hard to figure out where S.Z. was finding her inspiration during those early days, is it? I believe you'll find that her obsession with porn and male genitalia only deepened as time went on. So please, by all means, keep reading.

Several days (and Bill O'Reillys) later, S.Z. made good on her promise and cooked up a lime green wonder.

But how did it taste, you ask? Well, um, okay, actually. I've been a little queasy ever since I heard the news about Bill O'Reilly being JLo, so I wasn't sure I dared sample the disgusting-looking goop, but I did it, just for you, and discovered it was was pretty good (or maybe that's just the delirium talking). I put some mayonnaise on the cucumbers, and the combination of tangy/sweet Jell-O, crunchy cukes, creamy mayonnaise, and mildly salty alleged shrimp was surprisingly satisfying. I recommend you try a Jello recipe featuring meat, vegetables, and vinegar today!

Sure thing, S.Z.

So how did she manage to top the cooking segments? Well, as her comfort behind the keys grew, so did her power. She seems to have first noticed this newfound influence on September 14th.

In the early hours of 8 September I used a quote from a Warren Zevon song; later that day, his death was announced. On 11 September I posted an image of Jonny Quest; on 12 September we learned of the deaths of both Jonny Cash and John Ritter. I believe I am responsible for their deaths, and I apologize.

Responsible...but not responsible enough to stop her murderous blogging. So remember, next time you read one of her jokes and exclaim, "Ha! She slays me!"...Well, be careful.

Friday, November 26th, was a momentous day in the World O'Crap world. In fact, I would choose to categorize this day as her coming of age. For this was the revolutionary day upon which S.Z. first decided to summarize the loony columns at Town Hall.

Hey, it's the day before Thanksgiving, and the Town Hall columnists have been busy little beavers, churning out SEVENTEEN new pieces for today. They must imagine that everyone is planning on devoting their entire long weekend to "the flagship on the web for conservatives everywhere." But I don't think that's really the case. Today's busy conservatives everywhere have errands to run, food to cook, marriages to preserve, and crosses to burn, and so they don't have time to read and digest this many new Town Hall columns.

But they also don't want to miss out on possible new developments in the lives of their favorite pundits, such as Ben Shapiro getting laid or Ann Coulter explaining that Adam's apple. So, to make life easier for everyone, I've provided a capsule summary of ALL of today's Town Hall columns, as well as providing a representative quote from said column. No, no need to thank me. Knowing that I'm helping to combat the evil liberal plan to "portray our side as mean-spirited and heartless in order to turn the American public against us" is reward enough.

False advertising aside (we never did hear about Ben getting laid or Ann explaining her mannish neck), S.Z. knew she'd hit upon something good. Somewhere between her natural brilliance and sheer intellectual laziness, she'd managed to come up with a golden formula for success. Here she is just two days later:

Since I have no creativity left today, I'm going to once again just summarize the Town Hall columns. As on the 26th, the recurring themes are: Gay Marriage is Bad, the Medicare Bill is Bad, Ronald Reagan is Good, and Thanksgiving Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry About Iraq. But today you also get Rich Lowry's favorite beer ads, Ollie North's call for more Wayne Newtons, and some info on which races make the best newspaper men:

Boy, that could have been last week. Well, except for the Thanksgiving part. Not surprisingly, the Town Hall summaries continued two days later. And then the day after that. And then two days later she summarized them yet again:

Nothing exceptionally goofy today, just the usual mean-spiritedness, some same-sex marriage doomifiying, and a batch of Bush boosting. Oh, and a giant snow penis.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the giant snow penis. It was that same day that S.Z. chose to reveal a deep-seated fantasy that should perhaps have been allowed to remain hidden:

While I don't think that a giant snow penis implicitly threatens any women (except, perhaps, for petite snowwomen --it really CAN be too big for some women), I kinda like the idea that it replace the "Southern Cross" as a symbol of white racist pride.

Uh...ye-eah. Why don't we just move on.

The year 2003 ended with a flurry of Town Hall summaries, Rush Limbaugh jokes, more Town Hall summaries, and a brilliant decision to infiltrate the GOP.

And speaking of people who infiltrate the GOP in order to do nefarious things, I am a Team Leader for the RNC. Well, I didn't MEAN to be one -- I just gave them my email address so they could send me their "Democratic Candidate Bingo" card (which they never did, BTW), and now I am provided with the following Benefits:

Benefit #1 being her torrid (but surprisingly loveless) affair with Karl Rove. Yes, I know. Disgusting. I won't even mention benefits 6-9. This is, after all, a family blog.

Before we finish out the year, though, I must mention an event that changed my life forever. You see, it was on Christmas Eve that I read my very first blog entry. Until that day, I hadn't even known what a "blog" was. My awakening happened like this: I had just read a column of some sort by World Net Daily columnist Vox Day and thought it might be fun to do a Google search on him and the U.N. (I had my suspicions even then). Within the portentous search results that greeted me, I saw a strange website listed – a site known simply as blogs.salon.com/0002874. From the moment I clicked on it, I was hooked. I think maybe it was the casual (yet authoritative) way S.Z. suggested the following for Vox and fellow boy toy columnist Ben Shapiro:

So, even though Vox is Southern Baptist and Ben is a rabbi, and Ben is a virgin (while Vox has been accused of being a sexist pornographer), I still think that somebody should arrange a play-date for the two young men.

Boy, now that I know Vox, I think that's even funnier than I did then. A surreal follow-up to this came later when Vox decided he quite liked World O'Crap as well and gave S.Z. (whom he called Eponymous) a special mention at his own blog:

He's generally not inclined to take me on, unfortunately, and his readers are about as intellectually sophisticated as you'd imagine, but he is the one funny left-wing blogger that I've encountered. Sure, the obsession with who Ben Shapiro and Kyle Williams are not sleeping with gets old, but one must give credit where credit is due and I happen to find it amusing. Maybe you won't, but hey, it's my blog.

At this point, somebody seems to have clued Vox in to S.Z.'s true gender and he responded by writing this now-legendary phrase:

Apparently he is a she. I was under the mistaken impression that Eponymous was a homosexual he.

Of course we all know now that gender confusion is a fairly common occurrence in Vox's world but that was probably our first real glimpse.

As the new year progressed, S.Z. flirted with Amber Pawlik, obsessed about Janet Jackson's nipple, and started the World O'Crap book club.

Everybody else has a book club. Oprah has one. "The Today Show" has one. Even Kelly Ripa has one. ("Fun, frivolous, fast and fiction, that's what Reading With Ripa is all about.") But when I saw that Sean Hannity had one I said to myself, "Damn, what a crappy book club! Say, that gives me an idea. . . ! "

And so, welcome to the World O'Crap Book Club -- featuring crappy books that we haven't read, and which we encourage you not to read either.

And you know what? I never did read them. Good thing too because most of them were by people like Michael Savage and Dr. Laura.

On February 5th, S.Z. made history by revealing the secret identity of anonymous high-profile bloggers like Atrios, TBOGG, and the weird guy who runs Sadly, No!

Blog: Sadly, No!

Real Name of blogger: Dr. Seb No!

Address: 9 Brottenwurstenslagen Way, Munich, Germany

Occupation: Supervillian, international spy

Family: Wife Amber; adopted grownup son Frederick.

Hehe. Jokes at the expense of Seb and Frederick just never get old, do they?

Anyway, this mention of Seb is probably a good time to throw things over to him because he's going to be covering things from here with his (I'm sure equally insipid) S.Z.: The Later Months. Of course just between you and me, Seb's been hitting the wowie sauce a little hard these past couple of days so I can't vouch for his part.

But one last personal note before we head over to Sadly, No!. I cannot finish without mentioning what is perhaps S.Z.'s most nefarious deed. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, she is the one who first introduced the world to the Dark Window.

Pete M., whom you might remember from the comments section of such blogs as this one, has started his own blog, DarkWindow. He promises it will be required reading in all major univesities that Ben Shapiro may Google. And it has a cute mugshot of somebody who may be Pete.

Cute, eh? Is S.Z., as Frederick has so eloquently put it, "warm for my form?" Well, only time will tell (we're hoping yes). But in the meantime, I close by saying this:

In a world of cookie-cutter blogs and supermarket personalities, S.Z. stands out as an original voice and a truly wonderful human being. She has an extraordinary gift for making us laugh day in and day out and has never asked for anything in return.

I can't tell you how comforting it is to know that no matter how bad a day I might be having, fun conversation with friends and laughs at Wing Nuts' expense are only a short click of the mouse away.

Thanks for all the hard work and dedication, S.Z. You've touched more lives than you realize. And on a more personal note, thank you for all of your support, encouragement, and kind words. Any success I've had here at the Dark Window is directly attributable to you and Seb and I am most grateful. I love the things you do but, more importantly, I cherish your friendship.

You deserve far more than this lame-ass tribute but since lame-ass is what we specialize in here at the Dark Window, let me be the first to say: Happy first birthday!

Posted by: Pete M. / 1:00 AM

Special thanks to my good friend Ivan for the heads-up about S.Z.'s blogiversary. And for those of you who aren't reading Ivan's extraordinary blog, I want to take a moment to recommend it. If you have any interest in the golden age of Hollywood films or old-time radio, you won't find a better treasure trove of information and enjoyable anecdotes than Ivan's amazing website. There's nothing on the web quite like Thrilling Days Of Yesteryear so please, go check it out!

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:53 AM

...You Might Need A New Shirt.

That's the brilliant title of Debbie Daniel's new column over at GOP USA. It's all about how Jesus should be the true ruler of our country and that we should vote for him in this upcoming election. But since he's not actually running, I think we're supposed to vote for the surrogate savior - George W. Bush.

So, go out today and get yourself a new shirt because you're not getting it done with the one you're wearing.

Might we suggest a fine Christian t-shirt?

Sometimes I have to laugh at myself and wonder what in the world I'm doing. I've never been political in my life, but I've always been patriotic. I've never tried to be sanctimonious, but today my "righteous indignation" is showing and I'm learning, "there is a profound difference" . . . as young Ron Reagan would say . . . so the march has begun, the fight is on. [Ellipses hers]

If you thought Janet Jackson's nipple scarred our children, just wait until they get a gander at Debbie's righteous indignation.


Debbie Daniel, Exhibitionist For The Lord

It's not about a candidate for President; it's about principles . . . our faith. This election is about good and evil, right and wrong, God and no-God.

I sure hope John Kerry's priest doesn't hear that he's running on the no-God platform. Then he really won't get to take communion!

I profess to be a Christian, but some who wish I'd lay my pen down, tell me I'm no such thing. So, I'll call myself a Christian with many flaws, in training to be a soldier in the army of God.

Kind of like a Christian Lynndie England.

This brings up a question I need to ask: As a nation founded on Judeo-Christian principles, what are we going to do with God? . . . The Almighty God . . . the One True Living God?

Uh...Go out for cocktails? Seems like a weird question.

And what are we going to do with Jesus . . . The Son of the Living God? . . . The reason we celebrate Christmas. If it's not the One True God, then Jesus has no meaning in our lives.

I wonder if Jesus likes dancing. I think I'll give him a call.

When we refer to "Under God," . . . "In God We Trust," . . . or "God Bless America," there are some who would have you believe it's whatever "god" you want to make it. Just pick and choose your god and that's the one we're talking about.

Remember, all those things refer only to Debbie's God.

Are we trying to relegate the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob to be the same God as Mohammed, Buddha, or Allah?

Not one of them is the One True Living God of the Bible . . . and once again, there is a profound difference.

Yeah, so vote for Bush!

If you really don't believe God as anything to do with our country or this election . . . I wouldn't tell HIM.

Whom should we tell then? That gossipy Lucianne Goldberg maybe?

If you're making statements like that and have never experienced the wrath of God . . . Woe be to you, my friend.

Yes, I'm fairly confident that Debbie's friends experience a great deal of woe.

The young Ron Reagan who speaks with just a slight smirk of proud defiance, would have us believe that his father did not walk around wearing his faith on his sleeve, but when the ballet dancer was "pirouetting" around the country denouncing his father's every word, it just seems strange that the son now comprehends the exact meaning of his father's faith, and can now speak for him in his death.

Oooooh, ballet dancer...I'll bet he's a homosexual, too!

The late President once said: "Without God, democracy will not and cannot long endure. If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under."

I'm sorry, but Ron, you are no Ronald Reagan.

Well, you know, technically he is, Debbie...

When God spoke to Moses in Exodus 3:15, he said, "I am the God of your Fathers, of Abraham, of Isaac, and the God of Jacob . . . this is my name forever, the name by which I am to be remembered from generation to generation." It was there that God presented Moses with the Ten Commandments. He didn't give them to Buddha or Mohammed. And that's not Allah holding those two stone tablets.

It's actually Charlton Heston.

So, do we need to bring in the bull-dozers and fire up the jackhammers? Maybe not, I already feel the rumbling of the earth below as those Founding Fathers "roll over in their graves" and I don't believe God is none too happy with us either.

I don't believe I'm none too happy with Debbie's writing, either.

The call to God is being omitted everyday from our textbooks. It was Patrick Henry who said, "Give me liberty or give me death", but these words not seen: "An appeal to arms and the God of hosts is all that is left us . . . we shall not fight our battle alone. There is a just God that presides over the destinies of nations."

Hard to argue with that. What textbook shouldn't include a call to God?

Why, we've already bull-dozed the Ten Commandments out of the Rotunda of Judge Roy Moore's Alabama Courthouse. The remains are in hiding.

And just this week an activist judge in Harris County, Texas (Houston) has ruled that a Bible enclosed in a monument that has been on display for nearly 50 years must be removed because it might encourage people to read the Bible. Well, hark if that should happen!

Yes, hark!

We are in a fight for our survival, so if your sleeve doesn't show it, maybe you could wear a band that says, "I'm voting for Almighty God in this election" and then place your vote where it will count.

What in the world could I say to top that?

Thanks for the fine column, Debbie! I'm definitely changing my shirt after reading that!

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:30 AM

That's the word from another fine GOP USA column - this one by the lovely-spirited Jan Ireland.

Teresa Heinz Kerry married astronomical wealth, and less than a decade ago John Kerry married her.

They are now trying to buy the presidency of the United States.

Say, I thought the Wing Nuts were making a big deal about how Teresa wouldn't give John any of her money. Never let it be said that they can't see both sides of an argument.

When thwarted at a campaign rally by the simple presence of Bush supporters who want the President reelected, Teresa incited the return chant of "Four more years of hell!" It was the same occasion at which Hubby John accused George Bush of sending the "Republican goon squad."

Da-amn! Teresa really is an imperious bitch! If somebody ever said "four more years of hell" to me I'd punch her in the face.

Teresa's body language toward John Kerry often suggests that she does not like him. She eschews kisses, contact, even publicly criticizes him.

If there's one thing Jan can read, it's the human body.


Jan Ireland, FBI (Female Body Inspector)

He did not criticize her, even after hearing of her "Shove it!" to a reporter pressing for a journalistic clarification.

Curse Teresa's Frenchman husband for not criticizing her! Everybody knows that the sign of a truly godly man is public criticism of his wife.

First Lady Laura Bush was at a Citicorp building recently for an event. Teresa was to make a simultaneous appearance, until staffers realized she would have to interact with "real people" in an "unstaged event."

Thank God our President would never do that!

Though John Kerry is supposed to have wanted the presidency since childhood, I think it is Teresa who wants it far more. As foreign-born, she has no hope of running, though the mutterings recently of a constitutional amendment to allow that might have been for her (rather than Arnold Schwarzenegger or Jennifer Granholm.)

Who cares if all the evidence points to a contrary conclusion? Jan reads body language!

A case could be made that John Kerry was one of Teresa's imperious demands of the moment that she thought would win the presidency for her. A similar case could suggest that Teresa Heinz was exactly that for John Kerry when he married her.

Only they know.

It is possible that Jan has sex with sheep. Only she knows.

In America we expect that individual hard work will result in financial success, and that holders of great wealth will responsibly administer their largesse. When riches come through windfall or ploy, expectations can derail.

When one writes for the GOP USA, expectations tend to derail as well. And we're talking serious train wreck.

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:25 AM

If you're interested in Dark Window syndication, we have just discovered (thanks to 3Mote and Seb) our XML feed. I'm not entirely sure how to use it but it's right over there on the sidebar for your enjoyment.

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:10 AM

For those of you who are new to the Dark Window, I would like to introduce a semi-regular feature here - one that we haven't done in a while. Every so often the Dark Window takes a look at cutting-edge End Times witnessing tools for Christians of the Wing Nut variety. Please note that we are not slamming Christians. Just those who would exploit Christianity for various acts of Wing Nuttery and profit. Okay, enough with the disclaimer.

Today we're going to examine some t-shirts made by our friends at Christian Outfitters. If you haven't heard of Christian Outfitters before, well, they're kind of like the Coors Light of Right Wing Christianity. Here are some of their finest offerings. And in case you missed the runway shows, this is what all the most fashionable Wing Nuts are wearing this season.



And racist by the grace of God.




Looks like maybe the Saviour should have washed his hands first, though.




That one's kind of hard to read. The text says: "Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin againist Thee." Unseen text on the back reads: "But since that didn't work, I swallowed my cross."




Save yourself some time and effort. Get six poor kids from Indonesia to pray for you instead.




But not feeling so well!




No explanation really necessary on that one, I think.




I don't mean to sound negative but does that look like somebody you'd want to let in?




Because he's currently vacationing in the south of France.




"Hey, ya know...He looked like a furiner. How tha hell was I supposed ta know who he was? This is Texas after all."




Translation: God took my smug ass to heaven and all you get is this lousy used t-shirt.


Hopefully you've been as enlightened by these uplifting designs as I, Dear Readers. If you still want more Wing Nuttism, I point you to a couple of our past installments:

More Fun With Christian T-Shirts
Even More Fun With Christian T-Shirts
Kirk Cameron Shows Us The Way Of The Master

In the meantime, please dress responsibly. And don't forget to tune in next time for another action-packed episode of Adventures In End Times Witnessing!

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:20 AM

Not long after the Dark Window first opened back in May we brought you the story of a very special Wing Nut group called Christian Exodus. They're the ones that wanted to take over an entire state and form their own godly government, mainly because homosexuals were taking over the towns and cities in which they were trying to live. Back then the plan was still pretty hazy and even the group's President, when asked what the state's new laws would be, replied, "Independence first, details later."

Well, our friends at Christian Exodus are back in the news and this time their story is being told by an organization far more respected than other than World Net Daily. Yes, Fox News is currently running a piece entitled A Free (and Christian) South Carolina?.

Nearly 140 years after the Civil War, another group of Americans wants to secede from the union.

Christian Exodus, a California-based group, wants God to be its commander in chief. Decrying what it perceives as the unjust secularization of the United States, it wants a sovereign state of its own.

But rather than eye the Golden State — a "lost cause," says the group's founder — it'll settle for South Carolina.

I'm sure the good people of South Carolina will be pleased about that on several levels. Here's the plan:

Phase One of the group's "plan of action" in breaking down the wall between church and state is to enlist groups of 1,000 members to move into 12 designated House districts in South Carolina, with the goal of voting 12 "Christian sovereigntists" into the state government by 2008.

Subsequent similar phases will then go into effect. If by 2016 group leaders have not achieved the kind of government they want, Christian Exodus will throw down the gauntlet and seek independence.

Right. Subsequent similar phases. So just who are these godly visionaries?

The group comprises "mainstream evangelical Christians" who oppose abortion under all circumstances, want prayer in schools and hope to live far from "sodomites."

Living "far from sodomites" appears to be the main motivating factor for group members. How do I know this? Well, let's take a trip over to the Christian Exodus website. If you're an actual sodomite, I would encourage you not to get too close.

The first thing we are greeted with is this scary headline in large, bold print:

THE PROBLEM

Directly beneath that is the following photo:



Well, those girls do seem pretty scary and evil. You're then asked to click on the photo of the Satan Girls to see another representation of the problem.



Yes, dear readers, happiness and smiling will definitely be frowned upon in the new land of Christiania. But lest you think the problem only involves happy homosexuals, Christian Exodus goes on to list a few other evils as well.

- Abortion continues against the wishes of many States
- Sodomite marriage is now legal in Massachusetts (and coming soon to a neighborhood near you)
- Children who pray in public schools are subject to prosecution
- Our schools continue to teach the discredited theory of Darwinian evolution
- The Bible is still not welcome in schools except under unconstitutional FEDERAL guidelines
- The 10 Commandments remain banned from public display
- Sodomy is now legal AND celebrated as "diversity" rather than condemned as perversion
- Preaching Christianity will soon be outlawed as "hate speech"

And there's also this helpful warning:

Attempts at reform have proven futile. Future elections will not stop the above atrocities, but rather will exacerbate them and lead us down an even more deadly path.

That's right. Today it's only the homos that are happy. If we vote tomorrow, we may very well find ourselves confronted with atrocities like happy biologists or even happy Muslims. And if the thought of happy Muslims doesn't make you want to puke then you're probably a treasonous liberal sissy.

To see what kind of progress Christian Exodus has been making during the past 3 months, I decided to read the inaugural "President's Column". Unfortunately, things appear not to be running entirely smoothly.

The second topic I must discuss is the existence of opposition to ChristianExodus.org. It should come as no surprise that in a nation of 280 million people, many of whom hate Christianity, we will come up against folks who disagree with us.

It's that damn diversity!

Well, some hate Christians so much they are even willing to commit fraud. Recently our discussion boards have come under attack by imposters claiming to be my wife and/or me. These lunatics then say the most revolting and vile things in the hopes of confusing our faithful readers and damaging our efforts. So please remember these two simple facts and scrutinize any posts or e-mails claiming to be authored by my wife or myself.

Remember, fellow patriots...In the future, you are only to read the vile things written by this guy because everybody else appearing to be a lunatic will be faking it:


President Cory Burnell

And besides, his wife knows her role and doesn't post.

1. My wife does not participate online with CE in any way, shape or form. Therefore, NO posts claiming to be from her are authentic.

Dang. I'd kind of hoped for a photo. Fortunately, the news is not all bad.

I am happy to report that we continue to experience success, as Christians from around the country join our ranks and express support for our strategy. It now requires the most earnest dedication from our members to promote ChristianExodus.org to friends and family, and to stay the course. We have a tremendous battle in front of us for the next 10 years, so perseverance and persistence on our part is an absolute necessity. If we will stay the course, we will witness the most amazing events in the history of our nation. We are truly blazing a new trail that will end with the successful re-establishment of constitutionally limited government founded upon Christian principles. Government in America will once again glorify the Creator.

Their trail seems to be blazing alright. I'll give them that. Be sure to check back with the Dark Window in ten years for the exciting conclusion to our story. In the meantime, feel free to post your own vile lunacy at the Christian Exodus site.

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:20 AM

It's Monday here at the Dark Window and that means just one thing...It's Cheap Publicity Stunt Time!

Yes, the Washington Post is accepting nominations for your favorite politically-oriented blogs.

So vote early. Vote often. And whatever you do, don't vote your conscience because I'll pay* you if you vote for me!

(Thanks to Vox for the link)

* Pay, meaning thank

Posted by: Pete M. / 8:27 AM

There's a delightful article in today's New York Times about our Beloved Leader and the hard-hitting press conferences he's been having lately.

His father loved them, Richard Nixon started them and President Bush has turned them into the near-daily warm bath of his re-election campaign.

Last week alone, in Virginia, Florida, New Mexico and Oregon, Mr. Bush had four "Ask President Bush" question-and-answer sessions with rapt Republican audiences. The week before he had one in Columbus, Ohio, and this week he has one scheduled for St. Croix, Wis.

See? How could those mean-spirited liberals accuse him of avoiding tough questions?

As anyone who has sat through the 90-minute forums knows, the questions are not hand grenades that detonate onto the evening news.

Let's face it...They're not even the child-safe sparklers that your mom gave you on the 4th of July when you were 7.

Take, for example, one of the first queries at the "Ask President Bush'' session in Beaverton, Ore., on Friday:

"I'm wondering if I can get some inauguration tickets?"


George W. Bush, wondering as well

Or consider this from Albuquerque on Wednesday:

"Can I introduce my mother and mother-in-law, who are new citizens to this country?"


Hmmmmmmm...

It's likely that our President took a while to answer this one. I can see the look in his eyes as he ponders the question. 'Well, Dick told me that immigrants are bad. But Karen told me moms are good. And if Karl let this person into my "Ask President Bush" time, it must be okay.'

The Times article doesn't give his answer so I'll go ahead and tell you what he is believed (by me) to have said:

"Sure. Uh, yes, I mean. Go ahead." [Wild Applause]

Many times the questions aren't even questions at all. Exhibit A might be these words from an audience member in Niceville, Fla., on Tuesday:

"I'm 60 years old and I've voted Republican from the very first time I could vote. And I also want to say this is the very first time that I have felt that God was in the White House."

How did the Almighty respond?

"Thank you," Mr. Bush replied, to applause.

Ah, well, at least God's gracious.

Bush campaign officials tell reporters at every "Ask President Bush" forum that the questions are not planted and that the sessions are spontaneous. Senator John Kerry's campaign officials say the events are too ridiculous to be believed.

How on earth could they get that idea?

Whatever the case, Bush campaign officials readily say that they carefully screen the crowds by distributing tickets through campaign volunteers. "Our supporters hand them out to other supporters and people who may be undecided," said Scott Stanzel, a campaign spokesman.

And by undecided, they mean people who wonder whether Bush the Younger is the greatest president ever or only second greatest next to St. Ron.

The result is often a love-in with heavily Christian crowds. Mr. Bush relaxes, shows off his humor and appears more human than in his sometimes tongue-tied and tense encounters with the press. He clearly relishes the sessions: As of this coming Wednesday in Wisconsin, Mr. Bush will have had 12 such campaign forums, which is one less than the number of solo news conferences he has had in three and a half years in the White House.

But hey, using Lucom Logic (TM) it's impossible to accuse him of not answering questions!

Of course, reporters write that the events are canned, but campaign officials care only about the lively snippets of Mr. Bush that get on the local news.

And hey, he's presenting a tough image to the terrorists. Well, the ones who live locally anyway.

"I'm also proud to be traveling with John McCain," Mr. Bush said to applause in Albuquerque, where he appeared with the Republican senator from Arizona after having him as an overnight guest at the presidential ranch. "Nothing better than waking up in the country and getting a cup of coffee and getting in the pickup truck and driving around and looking at the cows. That's what John and I did this morning. It's a good way to clear your mind and keep your perspective."

Ah, yes. The old drive-around-and-look-at-the-cows method of clearing your mind. I just wish I lived someplace more cow-friendly. You wouldn't believe how much perspective I've lost by living here in the relatively cow-free Bay Area.

So how about one more tough one?

"Mr. President, as a child, how can I help you get votes?" a youngster asked at the "Ask President Bush" event in Oregon on Friday.

I'm thinking much ice cream was profferred by the Republican parents after that precocious question.

"Thank you," the president responded. "That is the kind of question I like to hear."

I know that was supposed to be a joke but, man, kinda accurate, you know?


President Bush calls on some much-needed perspective as he prepares to field another tough question

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:30 AM

For those of you who enjoyed Ryan Thompson's excursion into the sinister world of high fashion here at the Dark Window, I point you to Sadly, No! where Right Said Seb takes our prolific new friend to task for his plan to restore power to the white races. While there, you'll get to read this incredible piece of wisdom from Mr. Thompson:

Our nations share a common heritage of being involved in the world at varying levels.

Again, using Lucom Logic (TM), that's pretty hard to dispute.

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:20 AM

It's time to take a trip over to the Rant, home to (if you don't count Yosef) the hottest young conservative writers on the net. It's also where the ever-stylish Ryan Thompson is currently holding court. Let's have a seat because he's about to explain how fashion designers are destroying our morality.

While doing some shopping for college over the last month, I have noticed some disturbing trends in fashion along with the usual attempts to erode morality from our culture. I am not a believer in conspiracy theories, but it’s clear as crystal that the social issues of the day are being driven by fashion designers and the decadence of Hollywood.

Clear as crystal indeed. The Halls of Congress tremble at the power of Jean Paul Gaultier.

So what are examples the attempts to morally erode our society? The yearly decline of fabric on female garments and the feminization of male clothing are a pair of examples to fit my determination.

I, for one, attribute the erosion of our society to the yearly decline of copy editing.

Most of the people who know me have heard my positions on why females are “special” in a moral sense.

I have a feeling that most people who know Ryan find him pretty "special" too.

Part of understanding their “special” traits is having knowledge the sacredness of the female body.

Sacredness of the female body? Is Ryan a closet Wiccan?

Overexposing the female body undermines the “special” factor and most fashions today do this without a second thought.

Because if there's one thing a truly moral nation needs, it's thinking fashion.

This problem falls on the shoulders of both males and females. “Popular” culture dictates to males that we should expect girls to show look like a Barbie doll. Many of my peers have been indoctrinated in this mentality. Girls in turn recognize that most guys want girls who are in my opinion nothing more than sexual exhibitions so they try to be as good as an exhibition as possible. By showing males that their idea of the female beauty is acceptable, girls are reinforcing the flawed mentality.

Wait...I thought Ryan wanted his bitches to look feminine. I'm so confused.

Ryan's article is interrupted at this point by a picture of morality-destroying fashion at its most sinister:



I'm not sure about Paris but that's certainly what all the trendy girls in San Francisco are wearing this summer. Ryan appears to have this one pegged.

Modesty is the best policy. It should be fundamentally understood that beauty based on how much cleavage a girl shows, but it’s based on respecting their “special” status while looking their best. Modesty is the best policy.

No, the Dark Window is fairly confident that cleavage is a better policy. Nothing reinforces that "special" status like cleavage.

And Ryan, buddy, I hate to sound like a broken record but copy editing is also a pretty good policy.

Males should not wear pink.

I sure hope Seb is reading this. I keep trying to tell him that the Miami Vice look isn't working for him but he refuses to listen.

In modern history, the color pink has been reserved for females, and it has fit nicely with their angelic existence. Males did not wear the color pink because of this. If you walk into clothing store today, around half the clothes in the male section are pink.

Around half, eh? I'm beginning to wonder where, exactly, Ryan shops.

The traditionalist that I am is deeply bothered by this trend for two reasons. First, I think that there is a movement afoot to undermine the idea masculinity. Second, more disturbingly, it is a sign of the pop culture’s attempt to erase the “equal but different” philosophy.

Yeah, pop culture is pretty sneaky alright. First it tries to make women look like Barbie dolls. Then it tries to make them and men look exactly alike.

These movements are united the dream of having a society where the sexes lack distinct responsibilities. Once the idea of distinct responsibilities is plundered, the objective of the feminists and militant gays will be achieved. Their movements cannot exist in their true form in a society that recognizes “equal but different” in regards to the roles of males and females.

I think I'm beginning to understand Ryan's idea of women's fashion: lots and lots of aprons.

These are the two clearest methods of the fashion world trying to corrupt our culture. Their attempt may not be obvious to the untrained eye, but for those who observe these trends it is pretty clear what’s going on.

Fortunately, Ryan has such a trained eye. Must be all those pink clothing stores he frequents.

Eliminating the “special” status of females, emasculating male traits, and blurring the role of the sexes are their goals. Remember tradition and stand firm in its defense even when buying clothes. Most importantly, respect yourself and the others around you.

If I really respected myself and those around me I wouldn't be reading articles at the Rant and then sharing them. Please forgive me.


Ryan Thompson, Fashion Provocateur

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:20 AM

In case you haven't noticed, there have been a few changes to the "Go Here" section of this blog recently and I thought I'd take a few moments to point them out.

Our newest addition to the Dark Window is Happy Furry Puppy Story Time with Norbizness. Norbizness is a liberal and he hates freedom. He's also a fellow Kraftwerk Fanatik. That's pretty much all you need to know.

Our second newcomer is No More Mister Nice Blog. No More Mister Nice Blog is the home of Steve M. (no known relation to me), one of the better writers in the blogosphere.

The next one's not a new blog but a change to an existing one. Most of my readers seem not to have realized that the Undercover Frenchman hanging out here is, in fact, World Net Daily's own Vox Day. I figure Vox deserves full credit for being, well, Vox, and have changed the name of his link accordingly. (Please don't unbookmark me, Liz!) Anybody who has visited our Undercover Frenchman's website lately knows that he's been saying some pretty strange things. Not only did he publicly call me "sexiful" but he's also been spending an inordinate amount of time talking about how he wouldn't stop me from wearing Victoria's Secret lingerie. Will he soon be pulling a James McGreevey and resigning his post at World Net Daily? Only time will tell but good money says yes.

And finally, there's a blog over in my "Go Here" section that I haven't discussed nearly enough so I thought I'd give a special mention to Public Domain Progress. When you visit, you'll meet Michael Miller, a guy who manages to post reams of useful information at a nearly superhuman pace.

So please stop by these (mostly) fine blogs and say hello.

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:15 AM

Well, I'm still kind of nervous about all these terrorism alerts. Even though I can now kill a terrorist with my bare hands, I feel like I'm lacking something somehow. Something to make me feel safe and secure from possible future terrorist acts. Fortunately NewsMax reminded me what it was...MONEY!

A kind and very patriotic gentleman named J. Christoph Amberger is advertising a can't-lose proposition there right now. He calls it Make The Terrorists Pay!

It's one of those standard NewsMax "articles" that's really a sales pitch disguised as news. And in this case, it's also disguised as a letter. After starting with a friendly salutation, J. Christoph shares this bit of timely wisdom:

Like it or not, terrorism is redefining how we live our lives...

Yes, I'm sure many out there like it, JC.

Of course, nothing would be better than to see each and every terrorist wiped off the face of the earth for good. And while it may take time to completely rid the world of these threats... there's a simple, perhaps inevitable way to make several times your money – all at the expense of America-hating terrorists.

That's true. Nothing would be better than ending terrorism...EXCEPT MAYBE MAKING A WHOLE BUNCH OF MONEY!!! And if it's done via an "inevitable" way, well, how can you top that?

You see, there is a handful of companies working round the clock to help secure America's homeland. These companies are on the verge of creating breakthrough antiterrorism security systems unlike anything you've ever seen.

An investment in these companies now could easily make you 60 times your money this year.

Osama's sure going to be mad I took so much of his dough! I hope he doesn't take it personally. Wait, I mean I hope he does! Up yours, Osama!

But it's not just the new antiterrorist technology that makes these companies a great investment. The real secret behind this opportunity is because of a major shortage of shares in these stocks – which is pushing demand to record levels.

Aha. "Major shortage of shares." Back when I actively traded stocks, we had another term for plays like this. I'll just let you market-savvy folks guess what it was.

This shortage is setting up to be a bigger windfall than the dot-com explosion, which made Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban $2 billion dollars (and another $1 million dollars for each of his 300 employees).

That's right! Some guy in a completely unrelated endeavor made a lot of money! It's bound to happen here, too!

It will be bigger than the personal computer boom, which made Michael Dell a billionaire... and will be bigger than cell phone boom, which helped Qualcomm (QCOM:NASDAQ) go up 150,000% in ten years.

The terrorism boom (no pun intended). I'm sure our grandchildren will look back upon this era as a golden age.

6,410% Gains at the Expense of Terrorists

Woohoo! Thank you, terrorists!

At this point, J. Christoph mentions a former microcap stock, Taser International, which made a pretty big run.

But don't worry. If you missed out on TASR, that was just the beginning.

With the war efforts in Iraq looking like they'll continue for months (if not years), there'll be an increased demand for stocks providing any type of support, technology, or infrastructure to our military or defense systems.

Say, this sounds a lot more like we'll be making money at the expense of the American taxpayer than the terrorists.

Today, you'll learn about ten new Homeland Security "squeeze play" candidates that stand to cleanse the earth of American-hating terrorists.

And cleanse your wallet of its money.

Our story is suddenly interrupted by a scary banner that reads:

"Terrorists Will Try to Bomb Trains and Buses in Major US Cities this Summer"
-US Department of Defense

That was fun. Now let me try one.

"Sleazy Opportunists Will Try to Make Money from Gullible Wing Nuts this Summer"
- The Dark Window

Sadly, April 2004 was the bloodiest month to date in Iraq, with 134 of our soldiers killed. Combine that with the train bombing in Spain that killed 190 civilians and injured around 1,500, the horrific murder and mutilation of US contract workers in Iraq, and the gruesome beheading of American Nick Berg and other civilian workers – and the US government isn't taking any chances.

Yeah, I guess that was kinda sad. But fortunately, we don't have to be sad for long. Because these events can make YOU rich! At the expense of...uh...terrorists!

If you're not sure about the system yet, JC gives us some exciting testimonials.

"Thanks for TASR - it's been a beautiful ride - I've been watching it since it was at $23, finally caved and bought it at $32. Then I sold it back at $54, wanted to kick myself and bought it back at $62. You're the BOMB! Thanks and keep 'em coming!"
- Taipan member Orly V.

Yeah, the BOMB! Hmmm...Bomb...Now that'd make us some money!

Of course now that TASR's trading at $28, Orly V. is probably kicking himself even harder.

Still not convinced that you need this system?

HOMELAND SECURITY IS THE NEXT MEGA-TREND. And it's crucial for you to understand that it's still in the infancy stages of growth. Five years from now, the homeland security sector could prove to be bigger than the dot-com explosion, bigger than the human genome boom, bigger than the personal computer boom, and perhaps even bigger than the cell phone boom.

And dare I say it? Yes, I will. Homeland security could very well prove to be even bigger than Jesus.

And hey, this system will only cost you $59 bucks! Kind of a small price to pay for a boom bigger than Jesus, don't you think?

How to Make Money This Year While Others Are Losing

That's getting closer to the truth, I think.

And now J. Christoph Amberger sees two possible choices:

You can either stand by and do nothing, and possibly let these terrorist killers jeopardize your safety, your family, your savings, US stocks, and other US dollar investments...

- OR -

You can make a simple investment in Homeland Security Winners and earn some of the easiest money you've ever made in your investing career. It's easier and safer to do than it's ever been in the past 100 years.

Cool! I can't wait until our next terrorist attack! It's hard to imagine a safer way to make money than that!

Imagine how smart you're going to feel a year from now when you look at your portfolio and see incredible gains... while all your friends and neighbors are at the mercy of the volatile stock market.

Boy, my neighbor who loses his wife and kids in the next attack will sure feel stupid. If only he'd bought this system like I did!

Anyway, that's pretty much the end of J. Christoph's letter. But as is customary with these "letter" ads, he seems to have forgotten a couple of things.

P.S. Less than 100 days before the start of the Summer Olympics, three bombs exploded outside a police station in Greece – causing security forces to go on high alert amid fears that the 2004 Olympics (the first summer games since the attacks on the United States) could be targeted by militants. Since Greece has a record $1.22 billion security plan for the games, the worldwide attention can only increase the exposure for all of the companies you'll learn about today. Please don't let this opportunity pass you by.

Some poor losers will be chanting "USA USA USA!" Not me. I'll be chanting "TERR-OR-ISTS TERR-OR-ISTS TERR-OR-ISTS" Who ever thought terrorism could have so many positive benefits?

And just in case you forgot that terrorism does indeed have its benefits, there's this second afterthought:

P.P.S. Terrorists will stop at nothing to harm Americans. Please don't let these killers jeopardize your safety, your family, and your portfolio. Use our Homeland Security Winners report to protect yourself in these frightening and uncertain times.

Because if you buy this wonderful system you will be immune from attacks.

Now that I think about it, maybe our Dear Leader should just buy this system for the whole country.

Happy investing, everybody! And may all your profits be EXPLOSIVE!

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:20 AM

Everybody's favorite Wing Nut is back and he's got a new plan! Okay, it's actually the same plan he trots out every couple of months while demanding credit from every major world governing body. But it's a fun plan and (amazingly) this is the first time Lucom's mentioned it since the Dark Window first opened a couple of months ago.

Terrorism can be ended if the United Nations finally does its duty to bring world peace.

And that "duty" can only involve the brilliance of one man. Wilson C. Lucom.

Kofi A. Annan, secretary-general of the United Nations, must on his own, sua sponte, prepare, submit and have approved the Lucom Plan to End Terrorism. If he does not, the U.S. will have to use the plan, supported by nations that agree with it.

I don't know if I've ever seen anybody use Kofi's middle initial before. But I think the really amazing thing is that so many of us continue, sua sponte, to read Lucom's columns.

Here is the proposed Lucom Plan to End Terrorism (subject to modification):

That "subject to modification" means he'll change it a little and write another column about it next month. Here are a couple of his latest ideas:

1. All terrorists are declared criminals, subject to arrest on sight for the act of being terrorists. Due process, of course, must be observed.

Hmmmm...Something sounds fishy here...The "act" of "being." Well, anyway, as long as it's "on sight" I think we'll be okay. Too bad Annie Jacobson didn't have the Lucom Plan on her Terroristic Flight of Doom.

3. A $250,000 reward is payable by the State Department for information leading to the arrest and conviction of individual terrorists, in accordance with its reward program, to assist in preventing acts of national and international terrorism and other related criminal acts. A $1 billion reward is posted for the capture of Osama bin Laden.

That really big reward is the hallmark of the Lucom plan. It has graced every iteration I've read so far.

4. Any nation willfully and deliberately violating this United Nations resolution will be fined $5 billion for each violation. The U.N. or U.S. armed forces will enter the non-cooperating country to eliminate the terrorists and any terrorist training camps. Nuclear weapons can be used if considered necessary to save the lives of U.N. or U.S. troops, as President Truman used nuclear weapons in Japan. (This point expressly subject to modification.)

You know, on the off chance that people might actually object to having their country nuked.

It is a fact that the terrorists are physically located in more than one country.

Sometimes it's really hard to argue with the guy.

These countries officially declare they are against terrorism while unofficially giving sanctuary to terrorists and supporting terrorism so the terrorist criminals can continue to try to attack the United States and kill you.

Part of the beauty of Lucom's columns is how personal they all are. It's always YOU that will die.

The U.N. and U.S. must go on the offensive against terrorist criminals as outlined in the Lucom Plan to End Terrorism. Only then will terrorism end; otherwise, you will live in fear of terrorism the rest of your lives, because your government is not stopping it. You do not have to live in fear if you go on the offensive against terrorism. [Emphasis Lucom's]

You've got to admit that Lucom's got big dreams. Seriously. I mean how many people think the only chance humanity has to live without fear is to follow a plan they made up?

Delusions of grandeur or the words of a truly powerful man? Interestingly, this is a more complex question than one might suspect. It's easy to joke about Lucom's writing and dismiss his ideas but, as Bartholomew and others have pointed out here in the past, Lucom has demonstrated some powerful connections, including his tenure as President of the World Anti-Communist League. So while it's fun to laugh at Lucom's columns, we probably shouldn't forget that he apparently has some teeth.

President Bush and both Democratic and Republican senators and representatives must admit that as long as countries give sanctuary and support terrorists, terrorists will keep trying to kill Americans. When Bush and Congress finally realize this fact, they will demand that the United Nations, by resolution, install the Lucom Plan to End Terrorism or a modified effective version of it. Then and only then will terrorism be fought effectively.

Yes, Lucom, it's amazing that nobody on either side of the aisle has ever considered that other nations might be harboring terrorists.

Now is the time for President Bush and Congress to go to Secretary-General Kofi Annan and demand that he put into operation the Lucom Plan to End Terrorism. Write to your representative and senator asking them to insist that President Bush contact Secretary-General Annan and insist that he prepare a resolution incorporating the Lucom Plan to End Terrorism. Annan must make sure it is passed by the U.N.

Dear Barbaras Lee and Boxer and Diane Feinstein,

Please insist that President Bush insist that Kofi A. Annan pass the Lucom Resolution. I don't want to live in fear a moment longer.

Sincerely,

Uh...Seb.

Sent.

Well, I did my part. And Seb's. (No need to thank me, man.)

If Annan refuses to prepare such a plan to fight terrorism, then the U.S. and Britain must end all support to the U.N. because it will have failed in is primary duty. The United States, supported by other nations that agree (but not France and Germany), will then have to put the Lucom Plan to End Terrorism into operation.

Yes, that's key. Make sure France and Germany don't have anything to do with this.

Only then will terrorism be wiped out.

Right. So that's where we stand today. But let's now take a walk back through time and explore the LUCOM PLAN through the ages. Here we are on September 15th of last year:

President Bush has an irrevocable duty to protect America's treasure, its young soldiers, from being killed or injured. To do so, he should try the nonviolent LUCOM PLAN. With this plan, no American soldiers would be killed or injured. The beauty of the LUCOM PLAN, its strongest point, is it would not cost the taxpayers a penny unless Hussein and bin Laden are caught.

I guess that's before he'd added the bit about nuking people who don't comply. In this same column, we also learn this disheartening news:

This LUCOM PLAN was sent to Bush three years ago and he has refused to acknowledge it.

But don't think Lucom's gonna take it lying down.

If President Bush does not try the new-thinking LUCOM PLAN to save American soldiers from being killed, then he should be severely censured, possibly impeached, for not even caring to try to save the lives of American soldiers.

Okay, powerful or not, I'm starting to lean toward 'delusions of grandeur.' But let's go back a bit further. Here's Lucom just a month earlier (August 13th).

Meanwhile, Bush should use the LUCOM PLAN, which was sent to him three years ago but not acknowledged by him. Bush finally is now using LUCOM PLAN principles, which led to finding Saddam Hussein's sons Uday and Qusay: offering a large reward.

I think Lucom's still mad that the high priests didn't give him credit when they offered Judas a large reward.

Of course this willful disregard for American lives had been addressed by Lucom even a month before that! Here he is on July 30th, laying into those who would ignore him.

Dear Senator:

Do you care enough for your voters and their children to try to save them from being killed in war? So far, neither you nor your office has appeared to care, but I write again before going to the newspapers in your state to tell them that you do not care to try to save them or their children from being killed in a war.

I enclose an article I have written for NewsMax.com on this subject, with which I trust you will agree.

Please reply.

Sincerely,

Wilson C. Lucom

I think I've just found a template for my next e-mail to Lucom...

But back to the question of Lucom's actual influence and power, I found the following passage from an even earlier column about the Lucom Plan, this one dated April 3rd.

It gives us an example of Lucom's plan "in use" way back in the 1960s and is especially interesting in light of Bartholomew's comments about Lucom's South American connections (if you're interested in those, please read the comments to this entry). Anyway, this final passage gives a good bright window onto Lucom's ideas about the world and may even help us determine just how influential he really is.

In the mid-1960s, the U.S. government, the CIA and the Bolivian government were anxious to capture communist guerrilla Che Guevara, who was holed up in the Bolivian mountains with other guerrillas.

During a lunch I had with the Bolivian ambassador to Washington, he recounted the trouble his government was having in capturing this monster.

I told him it was easy to capture Guevara.

He was surprised and curious. I told him: "Just offer a reward."

The ambassador told me he liked the idea so much he would telegraph it back to his government. After all, it costs nothing if it doesn't work.

A $100,000 reward was offered and some 2,000 leads flooded in. The world knows Che's fate.

Indeed.


Wilson C. Lucom: You don't really want to be on his bad side.

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:10 AM

I've often wondered just how low NewsMax will eventually go in their bid to be "America's News Page." Well, the new John L. Perry column may be a pretty good indication. It's called Obama Mambo.

In it, John takes us way back to the good old days of family values when men were men, women were women, and darkies had their own special fountains from which to drink.

Amid the mumbo-jumbo at the Bean Town Demo blah-blah was the ga-ga promo of Chicago politico Barack Obama as the party’s newest Great Pinko Hope.

As told to the Wing Nut blah-blahs by NewsMax's newest Great White Code-Talker. Of course this being NewsMax, the code isn't all that hard to break.

Leftist media are even now busily endeavoring to orchestrate Obama’s elevation – leapfrogging him out of national obscurity – to the United States Senate. Can 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue be far behind?

Good thing John's here to slap that boy back down. Don't want him gettin' too uppity!

Pseudo-journalists are huffing and harrumphing over the audacity of Alan Keyes to oppose Obama by moving his residence from Maryland to Illinois – one of the five “home” jurisdictions of Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., if you count the District of Columbia and her Global Village.

I remember a lot of Wing Nuts "huffing and harrumphing" when Hillary ran for the Senate in New York. All I hear now is people laughing at Keyes and his "principles."

"I deeply resent the destruction of federalism represented by Hillary Clinton's willingness to go into a state she doesn't even live in and pretend to represent people there. So I certainly wouldn't imitate it."
- Principled Alan

And say...Now that I think about it, I guess John can't really be saying what it sounds like he's saying since he supports that eloquent fella from Maryland.

Please, No Four-Letter Words

No denying Obama has what it takes for a boffo political career in this era of mass-comm quick-take sound-bites. His last name is loaded for alliteration with letters you can count on the fingers of one hand, with the help of a left pinkie to remind you of his political coloration.

Yeah..."coloration."

Think, also, what license the dyslectic rent-a-crowd poster-scribblers will have with Barack Obama’s moniker. Seemingly endless permutations off the letters spelling Obama are good for many a quality-time family-values game of “Anagrams.”

I can't tell if John's saying that Obama's anti-family for having the name he has or if good wholesome families would be stumped by such a blatantly anti-American name. Either way, his true meaning isn't far behind.

Because it's time to break out the jungle music!

Already you can hear rappers ranting out best-seller CDs without once repeating themselves:

“Obama, Boama, Amabo, Maboa.

“Oamba, Bamoa, Abamo, Maoba.

“Oabam, Baoma, Amoba, Moaba.

“Obaam, Bamao, Aobma, Mboaa.

“Obmaa, Bomaa, Aobam, Maaob.”

Captures the very heart and soul of America, doesn’t it?.

Well, I'll say one thing...John manages to capture the very heart and soul of a Mississippi lawn fire.

(Speaking of the very heart and soul of America, perhaps Alison, our resident anagram expert, can come up with some fun quality-time family-values names for John.)

But back to John's song.

Everybody Sing Now

“We’re Barack Obama bound!

“There'll be no heebie-jeebies hanging 'round.

“All aboard Barack’s Express!”

Jes' you make sure you stay in the back of that bus, though, boy! We don't let no heebie-jeebies up here with us patriots.

AF-LAC!

Who let that duck in?

I don't know. I'm too busy worrying about who let the guy with the white hood in.

Oh, yeah. It was NewsMax.


John L. Perry

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:10 AM

Everybody's favorite hunk of man-flesh gave us a somewhat startling revelation during his radio show yesterday.

"Have you seen any liberals that look like they have any joy in their lives? They look miserable. They sound miserable. They look like there's no love in their lives, conjugal or otherwise. I would hate to be these people."

He-ey! Sounds like somebody's getting a little bit of out-of-wedlock action! I wonder who the lucky recipient is.

I know, I know. Some of you think Rush is really a secret Mary. Not me. No, I have my money on this special gal.

Things must be going splendidly, too, at the Limbaugh compound because Rush takes a moment to share some relationship wisdom.

"Have you seen Maureen Dowd lately? Talk about somebody that appears joyless. It's a shame. I feel bad for her. She's miserable. I don't understand it. Must be a guy. Isn't it always a guy when a woman is unhappy?"

Maybe somebody should ask Marta?


Rush Limbaugh, Conservative Stallion

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:05 AM

By now you've probably heard about how the Bush Administration leaked the arrest of Muhammad Naeem Noor Khan to justify its raised terror alert level. To illustrate some of the ridiculously political aspects of the situation, I have taken two articles, published just minutes apart, and compared their contents side-by-side. The first one, which will be presented in red text, comes from NewsMax and is entitled Bush Adviser: U.S. Believes It Has Disrupted Terror Planning. The second, from CNN and in green, is called U.S. leak 'ends al Qaeda sting'. Together, it looks kind of like a big Christmas present for somebody. I won't say whom.

The Bush administration believes it has undermined al-Qaida's plans for attacking the United States with the recent arrests of suspected terrorists and the seizure of detailed surveillance of financial buildings.

The effort by U.S. officials to justify raising the terror alert level last week may have shut down an important source of information that has already led to a series of al Qaeda arrests, Pakistani intelligence sources have said.

"I certainly think that by our actions now that we have disrupted it," said Frances Fragos Townsend, President Bush's homeland security adviser. "The question is, have we disrupted all of it or a part of it? And we're working through an investigation to uncover that," she told "Fox News Sunday."

Until U.S. officials leaked the arrest of Muhammad Naeem Noor Khan to reporters, Pakistan had been using him in a sting operation to track down al Qaeda operatives around the world, the sources said.

In cooperation with U.S. intelligence agencies, authorities in Pakistan and Britain have detained suspected al-Qaida operatives, while computer files uncovered in Pakistan contained surveillance information of five financial sites in New York, Washington and Newark, N.J. The United States issued a terror alert based on that information.

The unnamed U.S. officials leaked Khan's name along with confirmation that most of the surveillance data was three or four years old, arguing that its age was irrelevant because al Qaeda planned attacks so far in advance.

"Three years ago, Pakistan was not a fighter in the war on terrorism," [Condoleeza] Rice said on NBC's "Meet the Press." "And here you have them able to take down terrorists and to provide information, which then could be shared."

Then on Friday, after Khan's name was revealed, government sources told CNN that counterterrorism officials had seen a drop in intercepted communications among suspected terrorists.

"The idea that you would somehow play politics with the security of the American people - that you would not go out and warn if you have casing reports on buildings that are highly specific," Rice said. "Are you really supposed to not tell?"

"The Pakistani interior minister, Faisal Hayat, as well as the British home secretary, David Blunkett, have expressed displeasure in fairly severe terms that Khan's name was released, because they were trying to track down other contacts of his," Schumer told CNN.


Tom Ridge: How Low Will It Go?

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:24 AM

If you're anything like me, you've probably been quite unnerved by all these homeland security alerts. Fortunately, NewsMax shows us that we don't have to be scared any longer.

Trying to catch up on the weekend's news this evening, I came across a large banner ad there that told me I could learn to defend myself against the terrorists.

Already breathing easier, I clicked on the link to see these happy words greeting me:

Politically Incorrect Fitness & Fighting Instruction

I wonder what "politically incorrect fitness" means. For Yosef's sake, I just hope it doesn't involve midgets.

"If America Is Attacked Again... Are You Truly Prepared to Stand Up and Fight to Defend Yourself, Your Loved Ones - and Your Country?"

I already bought a copy of My Pet Goat to use after the next terrorist attack. I kind of figured I could read it until everybody else figured out what was going on. But Matt Furey, the brains behind this new defense system, is rapidly convincing me I need more.

Dear Friend,

Tee hee. Thanks, Matt!

I am very concerned about the future of our country. Although I desperately want to only think about positive things, the truth of the matter is that I deeply fear that our country is going to be attacked again. And if it is, I want to be prepared. What about you?

Well, as good as being unprepared sounds, I guess I should probably say "prepared."

I'm sure you remember where you were and what you were doing during the World Trade Center bombing on 9-11. It was a horror show - that we know.

Immediately afterward karate schools across America began doing record numbers in terms of newly enrolled adults. And many martial arts masters began teaching their most treasured secrets because they didn't want to see another American tragedy.

Ah, yes, I remember this valiant time well. It brought tears to my eyes to see the great martial arts masters teaching us to fight the terrorists using the dreaded "karate chop."

Neither do I. But the trouble with the karate school approach is that it takes too long to learn and is too fancy or "traditional." The average person doesn't want that and most certainly doesn't need the "slow boat to China" method of training.

Hell, yeah. Count me out on that "slow boat to China" path, too! I'll take the "speed boat to Des Moines" approach, please!

He needs to learn how to snuff the enemy fast. And he needs to be able to watch and absorb life-or-death information and put it to use, if need be, almost immediately.

Cool! The legendary Ninja touch of death!


Matt Furey, making our waterfalls safe again

Make no mistake about it, what the average person needs is brutal hand-to-hand fighting skills, the kind that so many members of our own military have learned from me by studying my courses.

I'm sure no mistake will be made, Matt. Not after reading your ad, anyway.

You need to focus on fast and brutal force. That's the way real men (and women of today) have always handled conflict - and the times we're in now are more perilous than ever before.

I wonder what that would make Jesus. That paragraph does seem to sum up the Wing Nut approach to conflict resolution, though.

Now, you may think that terrorism cannot be stopped with brutal hand-to-hand fighting skills. But this is just not true. Don't ever forget Richard Reid, the "shoe bomber" who was beaten down and stopped while in flight to the U.S. Imagine the tragic ending if those flight attendants didn't know what to do. [Emphasis Matt's]

If only Annie Jacobson had known how to snuff out those Syrian musicians! Then that terrifying flight of hers would never have been dangerous at all!

At this point you're probably wondering how this amazing system of Matt's works.

Poke Mike Tyson in the eye, and I guarantee that he will be stunned long enough for you to inflict even more damage - and to remove yourself and others from harm. [Emphasis still Matt's]

Well, if recent history is any indication, you could probably poke Mike Tyson in a lot of places and still be able to remove yourself and others from harm.

Here's a sampling of some other techniques Matt teaches:

The secrets of knocking terrorists out with lightning like speed!

And if you can't find any terrorists, use it on your Muslim-looking neighbors!

Destructively brutal knockout shots on the feet or on the ground that a terrorist will never see coming!

I have to admit that destructively brutal knockout shots on the ground sound pretty cool.

Secret weapons on your own body that you've never used before - but can be learned and mastered almost instantly!

I sure hope Seb doesn't hear about this. His body's already scary enough now that he's abandoned his Canadian flag speedo.

Deadly holds you can easily learn and apply that immediately put an attacker to bed for good!

Ooooh, I just wish Sheri Valera would attack me! Grrrawr!

At this point, Matt thinks about telling us why we should pay $197 for this package but then has a better idea.

Of course, I'm inclined to tell you these videos are "the bomb" - but why not let some other well known military men do the bragging from me?

So instead of listening to me, let's take a look at what some heavy hitters in the U.S. Armed Forces have to say about what I'm teaching:

Yes, let's let other well known heavy hitters tell us why this terrorist-stopping system is "the bomb."

"Mr. Furey,
You are a patriot and providing a service to our country. What you are doing is taking what God gave people and helping to make them a smarter fighter and for that I commend you. I love your books, your monthly news letter, and appreciate your no B. S. conditioning tips. "
Beau J. Bartel
Deputy U. S. Marshal
Criminal Investigator

Okay, now that I've read it, I think one heavy hitter is sufficient. Beau already managed to work in God, patriotism, fighting, AND buying Matt's tape series. I don't think there's much left to find out.

The above comments pretty much let you know why you must get these seminar videos or DVD's in your library. Again, if you order now you'll receive six videos and one bonus video that teaches you "How to Hit Like Thunder & Lightning" - for only $197 (normally $297). The material on these videos contains the dirty secrets that you could travel the ends of the world to find - and come up empty-handed. They are THAT good. [Emphasis still, of course, Matt's]

He's right there. You can come up empty-handed without ever having to leave your own home.

After signing his "letter," Matt remembers something important.

P.S. What will you do if America is attacked again? Never assume it won't happen. That would be negligent. All of us have a duty and responsibility to do all we can to "stand up and fight." My Defend Yourself, Defend America package is normally $297 - but if you order now you can get the entire set of six videos - plus one bonus video - for only $197. Don't delay. Get prepared NOW.

Yes, dear readers, you would be negligent and unpatriotic not to buy Matt's system. From this point on, any Dark Window reader who has not learned how to snuff out a terrorist with fast and brutal force will be considered a treacherous liberal sissy.

Okay, you're all pretty much considered that now but...

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:10 AM

Ever wonder how World Net Daily's premium online intelligence newsletter manages to break so many important stories? Easy. They read them in year-old papers. Cruise on over to Bartholomew's Notes to find out more.

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:05 AM

Well, it's the weekend, folks, and that means just one thing...It's time to learn what God thinks about France. So let's head on over to the 700 Club where Pat Robertson is giving one of his legendary "news" interviews. Take it away, Big P!

ROBERTSON: Joining us now from our Washington bureau is Kenneth Timmerman. He is an investigative journalist and author of "The French Betrayal of America." Ken, welcome back to the 700 Club.

Is it any surprise this guy has been a guest before?


Kenneth Timmerman, Investigative Journalist

KENNETH TIMMERMAN: Thanks for having me on, Pat. It's always a pleasure to be with you.

At this point, Kenneth reaches over and grabs a French flag which he uses to blow his nose.

Okay, that didn't really happen. I just made it up. But if there's anything the 700 Club has taught me, it's that it's fun to make stuff up.

And now it's time for Pat's first hard-hitting question.

ROBERTSON: Did Jacques Chirac (French president) lie to the President?

Ooooooh. I'll bet he did!

TIMMERMAN: Yes, he did.

I knew it! Those damn French bastards! Uh...Sorry to interrupt. Go on, Ken.

I learned this from sources in the White House and from other U.S. officials who were privy to this conversation.

That's good enough for me! Boo for France! France sucks! Boooooo, France!

This conversation goes on for quite some time with Ken talking about how dastardly France and Jacques Chirac are. And then he pulls out the big guns...He claims Chirac and Saddam Hussein are secret best friends. Fortunately, Pat doesn't let this incredible assertion go without asking the hard questions.

ROBERTSON: How close was he to Saddam?

Hooray for Pat!

TIMMERMAN: That is a story that I go into great detail in the book. Jacques Chirac was a personal friend of Saddam Hussein. And it is Chirac who describes him that way. I talk about Saddam's first trip to France in September 1975. Chirac squired him around the country, he took him to an Air Force base, took him to see French defense contractors, and also took him to a top-secret nuclear weapons facility. It was during that trip when Chirac stuck to him like glue, that Chirac offered to Saddam Hussein a nuclear bomb plant, the Orison nuclear reactor. If the Israelis had not taken out that reactor south of Baghdad in June 1981 in an air strike, Saddam would have the wherewithal to build an entire arsenal of nuclear bombs by 1985.

Those French are so romantic. I still remember the first time S.Z. took me to an Air Force base. It was then that I knew she really loved me. I still get all giddy every time I hear an F-16 fly overhead. (Love ya, baby!)

At this point, Pat seems to forget that he's the one doing the interviewing. Here's his next "question":

ROBERTSON: The French were duplicitous in their relationship with Saddam, because they tripled the price. It went from 50 million to 150 million, and who knows how many people got paid off under the table.

So not only did Chirac love Saddam. He also tried to screw Saddam! What a freakin' frog! Pat's certainly right to call France on her treacherous friendship animosity whatever-it-is with Saddam.

After Pat asks Ken about France "playing footsie with the Mullahs in Iran," he takes the interview where you all knew it was going. Because there's one French connection that's more sinister than anything else in the entire world.

ROBERTSON: One last question. I am told that John Kerry, the Democrat-putative nominee, has a first cousin who served in the socialist government in France. He seems to be quite a Francophile. Could you tell us anything about that?

Pat has proven once and for all that he is a master interviewer and that CBN "News" is truly an institution to rank with the New York Times. I think I smell a Pulitzer...Well, I think I smell something anyway.

TIMMERMAN: Yes, 'John Francois Kerry,' as the French refer to the presumed Democratic nominee, his first cousin was a man named Brice Lalonde. He was the head of the Environmentalist Party, the Green Party, in France. He is now the mayor of a small town in Brittany, the town where John Kerry spent his summers as a child while he was growing up in Geneva, in one of the expensive finishing schools and going to see his first cousins in France every year.

Frankly, it's hard for me to imagine anything more vile than having a French cousin.

ROBERTSON: Well, Kenneth, I hope your book is successful. This is a very important book, ladies and gentlemen. When we are talking about foreign policy, Kenneth Timmerman is a very persuasive writer. This is a book called "The French Betrayal of America." It is on sale in book stores around the country, or you can get it on the Web, by logging on to cbn.com. Kenneth, thank you very much for being with us.

But then I see Pat and I realize that I don't have to.

Have a great weekend, everybody!


Pat Robertson, God's Man For Our Time

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:23 AM

From Uncle Horn Head, we get this delightful quote from our President:

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we," Bush said. "They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

Equally fascinating is Scotty's attempt to fix it:

White House spokesman Scott McClellan said Bush's misstatement "just shows even the most straightforward and plain-spoken people misspeak."

"But the American people know this president speaks with clarity and conviction, and the terrorists know by his actions he means it," McClellan said.

Unfortunately, this is probably truer than any of us would like to admit.

Tune in next time when the Bushman will accidentally tell a crowd in Ohio that he's trying to lose their jobs.

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:29 PM

Well, it's really late and I used up all of my energy tonight writing my farewell entries over at Sadly, No! where I've been guest-blogging. So in lieu of a proper post here at the Dark Window, I simply direct you over there where you will learn Pat Robertson's secret techniques for predicting the future using your very own dreams.

And now I'm off to try to do a little predicting myself.

Goodnight.

Posted by: Pete M. / 2:07 AM

The Wing Nuts are out in force tonight. First Lucom and now this. Meet Bruce Walker, a "dyed in the wool conservative" since the 6th Grade and the brilliant author of The Very Scary Mrs. Kerry.

Bruce begins this tour-de-force by talking about how John and Teresa are evil for being rich.

The problem is that the two people who will be president, Ms. Heinz-Kerry and her husband, have no connection without the realities of work, thrift, sacrifice or saving. They both fell into beds - of passion and of gold. Have we ever had the wife of a major party presidential candidate who was so...creepy?

Have we ever had the writer of a column who was so...pathetic? Well, okay, maybe. But Bruce comes pretty close.

Many conservatives will say Hillary, but that is unfair to Hillary. She fought for her Senate seat and won it, like it or not, fair and square. She may be shrill, screechy and silly, but she also married a man who would turn any normal wife into a very unhappy person. Bill, after all, is simply a louse.

You know Bruce is going for broke when he forces himself to say there's a woman out there creepier than Hillary.

There is a spooky parallel with Ms. Heinz-Kerry and the wife of another Democrat nominee for president - Kitty Dukakis. Remember Kitty? Her husband, like Kerry, was a potent political figure in Massachusetts. During the campaign, Kitty got a fairly free ride from the media. After Dukakis lost, however, we all learned about the person who would be half a mattress away from the President each day.

And just what is this spooky parallel?

When her husband announced his candidacy for the Democrat nomination, Kitty decided to reveal that she was addicted to drugs. What Kitty failed to mention, and what did not come out until after the election, was that she was addicted to both drug and alcohol - she was an alcoholic drug abuser.

Bruce has decided to reveal to the world that he is an idiot. What he fails to mention, and what won't come out until you finish his article, is that he's also dishonest - he is a dishonest idiot.

In the last few years, we have learned that her cure for an addiction to amphetamines and alcohol has left her suffering from severe depression, which may last for months at a time. What was her treatment? Periodic electro-shock therapy (which works and which should not, per se, be an issue.)

Then somebody better strap Bruce up because I think it's time for another jolt!

What is the issue? Kitty Dukakis is “kooky” Kitty Dukakis. She is loony. She is three bricks shy a full load. Her mental diseases, most emphatically, do not make Kitty Dukakis a bad person or a dumb person, but a nutcase. The core of her psychological pathologies seem to be that during her childhood her parents never showed her the slightest affection.

Here's another issue. Bruce Walker is "bastard" Bruce Walker. Those things he said about kooky Kitty not only apply to him but, in his case, also make him "a bad person" and "a dumb person."

But it is downright dangerous to woman who sleeps beside the man who can begin a nuclear war as patently unstable as Kitty Dukakis.

Not as dangerous as reading these columns, I'm thinking.

Bruce goes on to say that our recent Presidential wives (well, other than Hillary) have all been pretty good. Which is what makes the evil alco-druggie Teresa so dangerous.

The Kitty Dukakis clone, however, is quite a different matter. Loose canon does not begin to fully embrace the problems of having her as First Lady - and she would be much more than First Lady: the billions are in her name.

Yes, having money is more dangerous than all the booze, coke, and electro-shock therapy in the world.

Perhaps this would not matter if Ms. Heinz-Kerry was content to play a quiet role like Lady Bird or Pat Nixon. She is, however, patently concerned with ideological jihads, particularly the poorer nations - she is an immigrant citizen herself - and their fantastic imaged grievances. The prospect of a clever, cynical Hillary next to Bill was bad, but not awful: she wanted power. What we see in John Kerry’s second wife is someone who could be best described as Teresa Heinz-Dukakis, a woman who suffers from serious mental illness and needs to be as far away from power as possible.

Ideological jihads, fantastic "imaged" grievances, serious mental illness, far away from power...Skip the damn doctors, somebody just grab a cattle prod. This guy needs a recharge!

Posted by: Pete M. / 2:20 AM

As I mentioned over at Sadly, No!, the normally dependable S.Z. came down with a mysterious illness (i.e. mono) and was unable to provide us with her usual Doug Giles Sunday fun. Seeing as this is the final installment in Doug's "pastors should focus on politics" trilogy, I felt it necessary to present his latest chef d'ouevre myself. Please pretend that my Doug Giles piece is funny and informative like S.Z.'s would have been.

So without further ado, I present Pastor Doug Giles! [wild applause]

Pastors and priests avoid politics because such concerns are “unspiritual,” and their focus is on the “spirit world.” Yes, to such imbalanced ministers, political affairs are seen as “temporal and carnal,” and because pastors and priests trade in the “eternal and spiritual,” such “transient” issues get the same attention from them as Rosie’s AbBlaster does from her.

Wing Nut Statement of Faith #1: Pastors who focus on spiritual things are "imbalanced."

What drives this type of clergy and Christian? Well … this brand of believer desires a “personal relationship with Jesus only” type of religion. This bunch is primarily into heavenly emotions and personal Bible study, tucked away from society and its complicated issues. Being preoccupied with looking inward and upward, such solipsistic saints inadvertently chain themselves to the never ending treadmill of spiritual introspection. They forget that they are commanded to be seriously engaged with our culture.

What kind of minister compares spiritual introspection to a "never ending treadmill?" I'm thinking Doug's not a terribly deep man.

Next, our culturally-engaged pastor says that some ministers are scared to get involved in politics because they worry people might confuse them with the Taliban.

Ministers, please blow off the tongue wagging blowhards who try to intimidate you into silence by making quantum ludicrous scat laden analogous leaps in equating the implementation of a Biblical worldview with the Taliban’s cross-eyed perspective.

I don't think anybody could argue with that. Mainly because I don't think anybody could understand what the hell it means.

Ministers can’t get involved in studying or speaking out regarding political issues simply because of the ten tons of minutiae they are forced to field. Spending time wet nursing 30-year-olds without a life and being bogged down in committee meetings over which shade of pink paint should be used for the Woman’s Aglow ministerial wing of their church, ministers are lucky if they get to study the scripture nowadays, much less anything else.

"Without a life" evidently meaning "seeking spiritual answers." Ministers who spend their time addressing such things rather than becoming Right Wing political activists are obviously under the sway of Satan.

In the unending, need-driven narcissistic American church, pastors work overtime for spiritually overweight parishioners regarding issues that ultimately are inconsequential. This is both the fault of the ministers (messiah complex) and fault of the congregants (me-monkey syndrome), and both have got to have an exorcism or something...if the church is going to tackle pressing cultural issues.

"Or something."

Here are a few tips for the congregation to help avoid the frying of their pastors’ brains and actually assist him in laboring for a better tomorrow within our nation.

Do not call him every day to discuss your dorky problems. We all have problems. Suck it up.

Somehow I'm thinking that members of Doug's congregation have more problems than the rest of us, though. The fact that Doug is their pastor being the first one.

Lose you [sic] codependency upon your pastor and other church leaders. Grow up, Dinky.

Yeah, Dinky. Only a loser would expect help from his pastor.

Staff or volunteer to your pastor’s weaknesses.

Staff. Pastor's weakness. Hmmmmm...

Send him, once a year, on the church’s dime, to D.C., a serious worldview conference, and on a month’s paid vacation.

I think Doug's hinting at something here. How much do you want to wager that he has these columns printed in his church's Sunday bulletin?

If you do the above for your pastor, and if he’s worth his salt, you will watch him move from babysitting grown ups to slaying giant secular monsters which intend to strip our nation from Biblical influence.

In other words, Doug sits in the bathtub on Saturday nights and pretends to slay giant monsters. He has so much fun that he figures it has to be God's will.

The creepy thing about a lot of ministers is their unwillingness to give political offense when offense is needed, simply because taking a biblical stand on a political issue might cost them their time share in Aspen and their Chrysler Mini-Van. Oh well, what do you expect? Christ had his Judas and evangelicalism has it cheap prostitutes.

Wait...I thought the month-long vacations were a good thing. Doug's certainly laying down the law, though. Used to be you were only a traitor if you were a liberal. Now you're a traitor if you aren't offending people politically.

Never fear, pastor. Even though nailing your colors to the mast during putrid political times might cost you a parishioner or two … don’t sweat it. There are also tens of thousands of serious parishioners who are looking for leaders with the ‘nads to lead the church to make its proper stance during days of declension.

Doug talks about his "nads" an awful lot. Makes you wonder just how "blessed" he really is. Please see "staff" and "pastor's weakness" above for more details.

So...my advice to you, Mr. Minister, would be to stay the Biblical course against the secular corrupters.

Because if you do, Doug guarantees a couple of things. Like:

He will supernaturally increase your revenue to labor for His cause

In other words, He'll make you rich. And then there's also this:

You won’t have to look the other way when you approach a mirror

Because we all know how much God hates ugly pastors.

And so finally, after a three-week hiatus, Doug arrives at his fabled ClashPoint:

My ClashPoint is this: If Christian ministers would crucify their fear of man, get solidly briefed regarding the chief political issues, not sweat necessary division, not get caught up in last days madness, maintain their hope for tomorrow, understand their liberties under God and our Constitution, not become so heavenly minded they’re no earthly good, focus on the majors and blow off bowing to cash instead of convictions, then maybe ... just maybe...we will see their influence cause our nation to take a righteous turn away from the secularists’ putrid path.

For once, ladies and gentlemen, I don't think any commentary is necessary.

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:46 AM

Over at Sadly, No!, we've been discussing the quite surreal Counter Clinton Library and its amazing qualities. So far we've learned about its founders, its mission, and its fascinating cast of characters. Now we're going to go inside the library itself and take a look around. Don't worry...Tickets are on me.

Here's a virtual close-up of the library's interior:



Pretty nice, huh? They're planning 16 rooms of truth-telling excitement and each room will have a particular theme. To give you an idea, a couple of sample rooms include the "Travel Gate Scandal" room, the "USS Roosevelt Looting" room, the "Law License Surrender, Fines" room, and the "Buddhist Monks" room. There will also be a very special room dedicated to timelines and dioramas (hooray for dioramas!):

This area will feature a timeline of the Clinton presidency anchored by dioramas at each end. The first diorama will recreate the scene on Election Night 1992, as frenzied but naïve crowds cheer Clinton's victory. After viewing the timeline, visitors will see another diorama showing Clinton pointing his finger and uttering the infamous words "I did not have sex with that woman . . .." The juxtaposition of these dioramas will emphasize how Clinton betrayed his own supporters and squandered his presidency through his own immoral behavior.

Boy, all this Republican fun is making me want to spend some of my hard-earned cash. Let's head on over to the Gift Shop, shall we?

Here we have a fine "Lady's Denim Shirt":



Doesn't it just scream classy? The Wing Nuts certainly haven't lost their sense of fashion. But maybe they should have ironed it before taking the picture, you know?

And speaking of Wing Nut fashion, here's the ever-popular unisex bathrobe with CCL logo:



There's also a tab in the Gift Shop for Jewelry (both "Men's" and "Lady's"). The items are still coming soon so you're just going to have to use your imagination. I'm sure the CCL nipple ring will be very popular, though.

Anyway, this library business all seems like a pretty great idea but let's hear from some of the common Wing Nuts themselves to make sure it meets with their approval. Here's a sampling of the visitor e-mails received so far by the CCL:

"Children, let us not love in words or speech only but in truth and action", 1 John 3:18. Thank you for your courage to bring the truth to the light and keep it there. May God be with you... Sincerely, Gloria J. Louisville, Colorado

Frankly, I don't even want to imagine Gloria's love in action.

This is THE BEST IDEA I've ever heard! Pure brilliance! Clinton deserves everything he gets and nothing less! Keep going on this awesome idea and don't let ANYONE stop you. Good luck! Allison C.

That's the BEST one ever, huh Allison? You must be a regular idea machine, sweetie!

This has got to be the most beautiful piece of news I have read all year!!! I have bumped the CCL to the *top* of my list for annual donations! Are you going to be selling bricks? If so, I want my name on several!!! And, please hurry and open up the gift shop!!!! Woooo-hoooooo!!! "Oh happy day!" Kim G.

Don't worry, Kim. I think you've already amply demonstrated the existence of a brick named Kim G. We can only hope there aren't more.

I don't have any money to send to you but thank you for taking on this project. The justice dept and others in authority have turned a blind eye to the damage Bill and Hillary have done to our country and private citizens. He and Hillary should both be spending the rest of their lives in prison because of Whitewater, coverups and lies about Bill's sexual crimes against women and a volume of other crimes instead of being free to spread hate and disruption in our wonderful country. I applaud you. Bill is deplorable. He is the first former president to vocally talk bad about a current president. Thank you for your patriotic efforts. Bill should not be allowed to use federal money to build himself a "library of lies" and not have someone stand up and tell the truth about him. Having Hillary in the U. S. Senate is a disgrace. I want to throw up every time I see her. B. W. Torrance, CA

To be honest, that one scares me. Mainly because its self-satirizing qualities render anything I could say superfluous.

And let's end with the testimonial the CCL itself closes with. It's a quote from an op-ed piece by Paul Greenberg of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette:

These two Weltanschauungs are coming at each other like gravity and anti-gravity, matter and anit-matter, centripetal and centrifugal force, Dale Bumpers and Ken Starr. Ho boy.

For if there's truly a way to sum up this entire project it can only be: "Ken Starr. Ho boy."

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:39 AM

Our friend Jack Kinsella, Hal Lindsey's junior sidekick and Oracle-In-Training (OIC), watched John Kerry's speech last week and, as you may have guessed, he's not at all happy about it.

John Kerry's acceptance speech for the Democratic nomination for President opened with Kerry delivering a passable military salute to his audience, saying, "My name is John Kerry, and I am reporting for duty."

He then launched into his speech. When it was over, it occurred to me that the phrase, "My name is John Kerry" was the only true statement contained in it. (Sort of. Kerry's grandfather, Fritz Kohn, had his name legally changed to 'Frederick Kerry' in Vienna in 1902)

Something occurred to me after reading Jack's column, too. Namely that Jack considers himself a "ministry" and actually solicits donations from little old ladies to write this stuff. He even seems to bank on the idea that others will find his columns offensive because his donation page features three giant donation icons and this quote:

1 Corinthinans 16:9
"For a great door and effectual is opened unto me, and there are many adversaries"

Yeah, I wonder why.

Anyway, here's an example of Jack using his razor-sharp analytical skills to tell us the real meaning behind part of Kerry's speech:

That returns us to the view of the War on Terror as “primarily an intelligence and law enforcement operation.”

Translated, that means waiting for the terrorists to strike, appointing them legal counsel, sentencing them to American prisons often more luxurious than their homes, and occasionally launching blind retaliatory raids against aspirin factories and empty tents.

I'll simply respond by pointing out the irony of the Bible verse Kinsella puts atop his website: "Hosea 4:6 My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge..."

Kerry used the phrase “middle class” eight times, while referring to “terror” or “terrorism” only five.

Jack's article used the word "Democrat" five times, while referring to "God" not once. I wonder what these kinds of statistics tell us.

He promised us nationalized health care, protectionism and environmentalism. He vowed to increase funding for the failure known as Head Start, shrink class sizes and increase social spending. He didn't say where he'd get the increased funding from. Another lie.

I'm not entirely certain how that's a lie. Especially since just the night before, John Edwards said this:

And everybody listening here and at home is thinking one thing right now. O.K., how are we going to pay for it, right? Well, let me tell you how we're going to pay for it. And I want to be very clear about this. We are going to keep and protect the tax cuts for 98 percent of Americans, 98 percent. We're going to roll back the tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans. We're going to close corporate loopholes. We're going to cut government contractors and wasteful spending. We can move this country forward without passing the burden to our children and our grandchildren.

Not that I'd ever accuse Jack of having a less-than-stellar grasp of the truth or anything.

Although many have feared terrorists would strike one of this summer’s political conventions, the Democratic Party allowed Jihad TV, a network whose media roster occasionally includes terrorists, into a skybox overlooking the entire Fleet Center.

Wow. I can remember when Al-Jazeera was only a sympathetic voice to the terrorists. Now they're actually planning to blow up the Convention! We should probably invade them after we're done in Iraq. They seem not to have gotten the message when we bombed their office in Baghdad.

From al-Jazeera’s coverage, the terrorists back home were able to see the party’s attack on the War on Terrorism, especially in Jimmy Carter and Al Sharpton’s demagogic remarks.

Those evil-doers in the Middle East should know that "news" has nothing to do with reporting on events of global importance. Can you believe the effrontery of wanting to show American political speeches during an important election cycle? If they had any kind of humanity they'd only show Bill O'Reilly reruns instead. That'd sure show the terrorists back home!

And somehow we've managed to limp along to the grand finale to our OIC's journalistic masterpiece:

I have seen the enemy, and it is Skerry.

Good line. I'm thinking of sending him a donation myself.

Now let me try my own. "I have seen the moron, and it is JackK."

Thank you, thank you. I'll be putting up my own donation icons later today.


Jack Kinsella, OIC

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:33 AM

As you may have noticed, Seb's Sadly, No! website (where I'm currently guest-blogging) is experiencing some major technical difficulties and, for the moment at least, nobody can access it.

Not surprisingly, my treasonous liberal readers have lived up to their reputations by becoming rabid Blame-Pete-Firsters (now I finally understand how our poor misunderstood President feels).

Anyway, I've been in contact with Seb and we're currently working on a solution. Well, actually I sent him a text message and he responded with a lengthy, profanity-filled tirade about my incompetence and how I'd never blog again and...yeah, in other words, we're working on it.

In the meantime, feel free to check out some of the fine blogs listed over to your right (except for Seb's, of course) or, if you're really hard up, read some of the entries here at the Dark Window.

I apologize for the inconvenience. And for the record, I'm blaming Amber Pawlik for all this. I figure she must have damaged Seb's server when she was hopping around his house the other night.

Update: Seb's site is now working again so please come on over and read about a NewsMax reader who was ashamed of his wife!

Posted by: Pete M. / 12:03 AM