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Friday, October 22, 2004
War Of The Worlds: Wing Nut Style
We at the Dark Window have long prided ourselves in bringing you the weirdest, kookiest, and craziest spokespeople the Right has to offer. But as we were looking for fresh material today, we stumbled across a conservative group that puts pretty much everybody else we've discussed so far to shame.
The good people over at BushCountry.org, the ones who bring us the informed and well-reasoned analyses of Glamour Shot Swank and Tammy Wilhite, the godly prophets who gave us one of our favorite warnings of impending doom, have been linking to an article about how the Mark of the Beast is coming soon to an implant near you.
That article came from a conservative news site called Raiders News Update. And while we thought that piece was pretty good, there was another one at RNU we liked even better. It's called Genesis Chapter Six... Again!?.
By Thomas Horn
RNU News Sr. Reporter
Remember that name. You'll see why in a bit.
The article starts off innocently enough, with a fairly straightforward story (from "The Daily Post") about a girl being visited by space aliens.
"Her horror increased after the discovery a month later that she was pregnant."
Now we know how Lucianne Goldberg must have felt.
The Post feature discusses the birth of the infant entity, gray skinned and frail, which was immediately scooped up and taken on board the extraterrestrial ship.
Whereas Jonah, certainly not frail, was scooped up and taken on board the National Review.
Okay, okay, I know what you're thinking. Just another boring story about space aliens and Jonah Goldberg. What's so special about that?
Well, read on, friends, because we're about to take a wonderful turn into the strange world of Wing Nut Landia.
Nonsense you say?
Writing for the conservative news service Raiders News Update, best selling author and researcher Thomas Horn reminds us that "A growing number of Bible scholars believe something unusual is transpiring during so-called alien abduction. They point to Genesis 6 where extraterrestrial visitations and genetic manipulation by supernatural beings may have occurred."
Remember how I told you to remember that name before? Now you see why. Failed blogger Pete M. of the Dark Window wants to point out that the guy writing the article just referenced himself as a source.
And what's in Genesis Chapter Six that "a growing number of Bible scholars" find so alarming? Well, fortunately for all you Scripturally-ignorant liberals out there, Thomas gives us a quote:
"When men began to increase on earth and daughters were born to them, the divine beings saw how beautiful the daughters of men were and they took wives from among those that pleased them....It was then, and later too, that the Nephilim appeared on earth - when the divine beings cohabited with the daughters of men, who bore them offspring. They were the heroes of old, the men of renown." (Genesis, Chapter 6, from the Jewish translation of the Torah.)
Personally, I've always preferred the Fields of the Nephilim, those men of renown who appeared upon the earth in 1984 and bore us great music.
One group, known as "the ancient astronaut school," hold that "divine beings" (B'nai Elohim in Hebrew) were super-intelligent geneticists from outer space that created Homo sapiens by tinkering with primate DNA.
Not surprisingly, the Wing Nuts are not fooled by such childishly ridiculous ideas and put forth their own, far-more believable scenario:
Another more conservative club points to a darker interpretation...Satan (as opposed to aliens) was trying to produce a race of mutant warriors by breeding fallen angels with women."
As Ms Brown's story illustrates, history may be repeating itself.
I think we can safely say that Ms Brown's story illustrates quite a lot of things, Tom.
Thomas goes on to discuss the Raelians (the cloning people Drudge kept linking to last year) and their belief that the ancient divine beings were space aliens who came to earth to perform genetic manipulation upon us. Then he quickly puts them in their place:
Not so fast, the second school of thought says. The aliens did come, and they conducted genetic manipulation that led to the Nephilim. But the visitors weren't galactic good neighbors. They were angels...of the fallen kind...on a quest to steal your soul.
Boy, that's tough. Used to be that the only people we had to worry about stealing our souls were the Democrats. Now we have to worry about fallen angels too.
The theory goes something like this: Very soon after the Fall of man, the protoevangelium (the promise that the seed of the woman would bring forth a child [Jesus] capable of destroying the serpent's [Satan's] power) was given in Genesis 3:15. In response to this promise, supernatural beings (fallen angels) appeared from the heavens and performed reproductive experiments on human women. Why? To pollute their offspring. By corrupting Hebrew DNA, they would cut off the birth line of the Messiah.
A pretty good plan when you think about it. But not good enough to thwart that most lovable of superheroes...God!
Stephen Quayle, in his excellent and highly recommended book, Aliens & Fallen Angels - The Sexual Corruption of the Human Race, suggests that Satan was interbreeding Nephilim to corrupt every living thing God had made - both human and animal.
What's more, Satan nearly succeeded in wiping out redemption. By the time Noah and his kids came along, they were the only humans left with DNA not corrupted by intermarriage with Nephilim and their offspring. This is what was meant by Noah being 'perfect' in his generation (a word commonly used in the Bible to refer to 'unblemished' sacrificial animals). His perfection was physical and DNA related, not moral.
This brings a whole new light to the Great Flood. In order to preserve the human race - and the lineage of the Messiah - God had to destroy all but Noah and his clean DNA.
So I'm thinking that verse in Hebrews that says God chose Noah because of his faith must be a misprint.
But don't celebrate yet.
I promise I won't.
The second school of thought says Satan and his alien-force are not done. They're planning a second wave. A coming invasion. One that's accompanied by "...fearful sights and great signs [read UFOs]...from heaven" (Lk 21:11).
Thank heavens we have such brave conservatives to warn us about this coming invasion! I've already begun constructing my own Cheney-inspired bunker.
Tom closes with one of my favorite (and if you read the Dark Window regularly, you already know, all too common) Wing Nut flourishes: He illuminates the infallible Word of God with a few choice additions:
"And then shall that wicked one be revealed....whose coming is after the working of Satan with all power and signs and lying wonders [UFOs again]....And for this cause God shall send mankind strong delusion, that they should believe a lie [the kind as told by Rael]: That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness" (2 Thessalonians 2:8-12).
Thank You, God, for sending us Bush Country to warn us against believing those strong delusions that will make you damn us!