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Prepare to be horrified...
Thursday, October 14, 2004
A Very Special Date With Bill O'Reilly
In case you haven't yet heard, a female news producer at Fox News has just filed a lawsuit against Bill O'Reilly, claiming that he sexually harrassed her. The lawsuit is filled with transcripts of conversations (evidently taped) O'Reilly had with the producer, a woman named Andrea Mackris. The conversations are incredibly explicit and, given O'Reilly's darling status with the religious conservatives, bound to be problematic. If you want all the lurid details, you can find them (including O'Reilly's talk of a sex show in Thailand, telling Mackris what he'd like to do to her in the shower, or describing a vibrator that he owned) here.
Obviously we have no way of knowing about the charges against O'Reilly but we think the conversations themselves are quite enlightening and decided to present a couple of excerpts in juxtaposition with glowing reviews of O'Reilly's book, The No Spin Zone, from TownHall.com.
Quotes from the review are in green and O'Reilly is in steamy red.
In The No Spin Zone, O'Reilly teaches what he believes are some of our great American values: common sense, decency, pride, self-respect, individual choice and compassion. He also illuminates some values that are not so great: lies, rationalizations, equivocation, perjury, spin, self-centeredness and not taking responsibility for one's actions or life.
During the course of Defendant BILL O'REILLY's sexual rant, it became clear that he was using a vibrator upon himself, and that he ejaculated. Plaintiff was repulsed.
Immediately after climaxing, Defendant BILL O'REILLY launched into a discussion concerning how good he was during a recent appearance on "The Tonight Show" with Jay Leno: "It was funny, they used a big clip of me...Right after Brokaw and Brokaw was absolutely the most unfunny guy in the world, and the audience got a big charge out of my...It was good."
Big charge out of his what, I wonder. But back to TownHall.
O'Reilly is against the lack of guilt, the lack of remorse, and the lack of outrage some individuals exhibit while stealing, cheating, spinning the truth, or blaming others for their shortcomings. He is disgusted with despicable public morality and the lack of responsibility for individual misbehavior. He is against the media's non-judgmental acceptance of uncivilized behavior; that is, the kind of "openness and tolerance" which lead to adults having sex with children and other bizarre behavior. These are not, he writes, psychologically healthy American values.
After climaxing, Defendant BILL O'REILLY again boasted that none of the women he'd engaged in sexual relations with would ever tell:
"Nobody'd believe 'em...they wouldn't [tell] anyway, I can't imagine any of them ever doing that 'cuz I always made friends with women before I bedded them down."
Makes friends with women before bedding them down?
Read this book and revive the values you've been suppressing. Your life will be energized and you can include yourself among those Americans who make a difference. Values, ethics and morals... it's what the non-material life is all about.
Defendant BILL O'REILLY concluded stating:
"You know, Mackris, in these days of your celibacy and your hibernation this is good for you to have a little fantasy outlet, you know, just to keep it tuned, keep that sensuality tuned until you know Mr. Right comes along and then you can put him in traction...I'm trying to tell you, this is good for your mental health."
In the immortal words once attributed to us, we can't add anything to that!