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Prepare to be horrified...

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Debbie Does Debates

Everybody's talking about the Vice Presidential debate and our dear sweet friend Debbie Daniel didn't want to be left out. But she's still so mad about last week's Presidential "debate" that she's written about that instead. Her towering treatise of the intellect is entitled The Attempted Lynching of a President.

I don't know who the masked man was that showed up at the Presidential debate last week, but even George Bush had the same look on his face that several million other people had . . . "Who is this guy?"

Hey, that's not a mask. Karl Rove's face really looks like that.

Well, that was John Kerry, the debater. Tomorrow . . . who knows who he will be? After rehearsing for hours on end, it was good that he could win the evening's Oscar for Best Performance Portraying a Professional Politician.

And the winner was . . . John F. Kerry.

Yes, turns out John Kerry's not a politician from Massachusetts at all. He's a stage actor from Des Moines, Iowa.

Someone asked me the next day what happened to "my guy" in the debate? I said, "Well I think he did exceptionally well considering he had been out all day tending to the needs of hurricane victims for the fourth time in Florida, and before his day got started, he was told of 38 children blown to pieces in Iraq."

The poor, poor dear. How could he be expected to do well when 38 little bastards had the nerve to get killed while he was trying to prep for the debate? And that after he'd administered first aid to three hurricane victims and rebuilt a damaged roof. I say we give him a do-over, everybody. Seriously. Cut the guy some slack. He did keep telling us his job was hard work, remember?

So realizing all "that" I'm not sure there's a human being alive that could have gone through such a day and then raced to a debate to have an imbecile stand with his hair perfectly coiffed, fingernails manicured and tell the world what a failure you are.

Evidently because you'd be standing there realizing that you're a, you know, a failure.

But George Bush would not use any of this as an excuse, yet John Kerry had the nerve to tell us just days before that he was extremely "tired" on that late night when he "misspoke" about "voting for the $87 billion before he voted against it."

Yeah, George would never use that as an excuse. Good thing Debbie's there to do it for him. You'd think that somebody as well-informed as our Debbie would have seen this bit from Matt Drudge, though. The one that reads "Bush inner circle suggests Bush visit with Hurricane victims earlier in day was emotionally draining, contributed to "tired" appearance in debate..."

All the man has had to do is show up at campaign stumps all over the country and at least try to get his stories straight. He hasn't shown up for his real job as a Senator all year, and then has the audacity to stand before the President of the United States and "slap him in the face" by accusing him of doing such a poor job as our leader.

How dare that French-like traitor try to debate our leader during a nationally televised debate! That's beyond the pale!

"Ladies and Gentleman," I ask you, "is that 'style?'" I was mortified to have my President on television in front of the entire world talked to and lectured as a child. Do we not have any shame that we would present ourselves like that before entire nations that look to us for leadership and guidance? I'm sorry, that's not style . . . that's a very small person.

All of Debbie's pent-up anger makes me wonder if she isn't frustrated by another "very small person" as well.

Mr. Kerry, to use that particular forum to disgrace a President during a time of war certainly does not give you points for "style." Give me a break, the only thing styled that night was your hair.

Don't worry, ladies and gentlemen! A quick look at Debbie's hair shows that she's not being hypocritical here:


Debbie Daniel: Unstyled, Unleashed

I'm sure it would have been easy for George Bush to respond in kind, but he didn't. After such a somber day, I'm sure his heart wasn't into "ripping you apart" or taking you to the woodshed, as we know he can do.

Right. I'm glad he recognized that a debate is no place to respond to things your opponent is saying about you.

But he bit his lip, clenched his jaws, and oh, yes, pursed his lips - probably outraged at your presentation as a man seeking the highest office in the land.

On this point, Debbie, you and I are in complete agreement!

Even with all the pundits calling it a victory "on style" for John Kerry, and "substance" for George Bush, I am learning that "style" is a nice way of saying, "Kerry has mastered the art of deceit." I won't be so nice . . . he's mastered the art of lying.

Last time I checked, "all the pundits" weren't actually saying that.

It was obvious that Mr. Kerry and Jim Lehrer had colluded to hold their own "mock trial" in front of the world and were taking great pride in their effort to bring the President to his knees.

This seems to be a new meaning of the word "obvious" that I haven't seen before.

That was no debate; it was a presidential lynching. Jim Lehrer of PBS played the lawyer, and John Kerry, the "camouflaged chameleon," acted as both judge and jury. And if you saw the "pleasured" look on Kerry's face, he was out for the kill . . . and wanted to be the one to do it.

I certainly wouldn't want to speculate about Ms. Daniel's private life but her use of the word "pleasured" in this context is somewhat disturbing.

At first I told myself, "No, this couldn't happen in America," but my fellow citizens, you witnessed a "court trial and sentencing" of your own President.

"Judge" Kerry had already made up his mind about the verdict, so it was just a matter of enjoying himself for at least 90 minutes before he and Mr. Lehrer put the rope around the President's neck, and both took the reins to slowly pull the horse out from under the President, delightfully awaiting the "hanging."

Let us analyze what Debbie has just told us. According to her advanced wisdom, it was wrong for John Kerry to believe he was right about the issues and that the President was wrong about them – and it was especially wrong for him to believe this during a debate.

Let that one sink in for a while because it's earned Debbie an automatic nomination to our Wing Nut of the Year contest finals.

I understand that on the stage after the "farce" was over, that both Messieurs Lehrer and Kerry gave each other a nod and wink of "job well done."

I'm wondering if Debbie knows what that wink of "job well done" actually looks like.

"There's trouble I say . . . trouble in River City," and none of us seemed to "get it" at the time.

We found ourselves wondering what happened to the President; why the grimaces, the biting of the lip, the tightness of the jaw. He was being "snookered" and we didn't even know it.

How was George to know there'd be a guy asking questions and another guy answering them in a manner that questioned George's record? How could anybody have known that?

Once again we showed our ugly side to the world; and for those who want us dead, we gave them great joy in watching our great leader belittled. We let our soldiers see their commander-in-chief reprimanded by a low grade Senator.

Hopefully we've learned our lesson and won't let the soldiers watch any more of these so-called debates. Better yet, why don't we make sure the debates aren't televised at all?

What causes me to tremble is the behavior of a man who has shown disdain for a position God ordained. It is perilous to his own well-being . . . not to speak of what he's done to bring the country down. Mr. Kerry . . . if you had an ounce of decency in your heart, you would change your course of action immediately.

Yes, Mr. Kerry! Stop trying to win the Presidency because God has already ordained that our George is the only man for the job.

You may win the vote . . . but, sir, you will certainly lose your soul.

Run against Dubya and you're going straight to hell. The choice is yours, Senator.

There's a scripture in Romans 13:1-5 that sums it up best. And please note: these are not the words of this columnist; check out the author yourself.

"Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. For he is God's servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God's servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrong doer. Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment, but also because of conscience."


I think Debbie's saying President Bush should act as an agent of God's wrath and strike Kerry down for daring to challenge him. Nothing crazy about that.

I don't know how much longer God is going to put up with our foolishness. For anyone who truly believes George W. Bush was selected by the Supreme Court . . . think again. You just read . . . "for there is no authority except that which God has established."

But...But...But...Debbie...That means if Kerry wins, then he has also been established by God and you'll have to repeat your argument all over again four years from now to make sure no Republicans run against him.

Think on these things.

Because apparently Debbie hasn't had a chance to do that yet.

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