Weblog Commenting and Trackback by HaloScan.com The Dark Window: Debbie Does David Hasselhoff

Prepare to be horrified...

Monday, October 18, 2004

Debbie Does David Hasselhoff

Remember our dear sweet friend Debbie Daniel? The one who told us that since George W. Bush has been ordained by God (it's in the Bible, people!), John Kerry is wrong to challenge the President?

Well, she's decided to expound upon those thoughts and has a groundbreaking new column out entitled O Ye of Little Faith.

It is so annoying to read all the carping and complaining by people in our self-proclaimed Christian nation, who have put their faith and trust in Jesus Christ for their salvation and promise of eternal life, but for the things of this world, they want to slap George Bush up-side-the-head, and say "God, you gave us the wrong man."

It's a pretty neat trick. Put your eternal faith and trust in Jesus' hands and your worldly faith and trust in George's and you don't really have to worry about anything ever again.

I read a column today in my hometown newspaper and was so disheartened by the commentary that seemed to take into account every single error George Bush has made, and I trembled at the thought of the columnist being so critical of every detail of Bush's performance as President and then questioned again his service in the Air National Guard.

What business does a newspaper columnist have criticizing a President's actions?

But it wasn't because of what the columnist said; it's because of who the columnist claims to be . . . a child of God.

And even the dimmest light knows that you cannot truly be a Christian if you criticize George W. Bush.

Friends, our God can use just about anyone He pleases to lead this nation, because HE IS GOD, and when God is in control, it doesn't matter who's driving the car.

I like this theology. God is kind of like K.I.T.T. from Knight Rider. That would make Satan (or maybe John Kerry) K.A.R.R. and George W. Bush is (obviously) David Hasselhoff. Doo doo doo doo...

The entire article was a slap in the face, not only to George Bush, but if we truly believe what the Bible says . . . our Heavenly Father just got a whack in the face, too.

Think about that one for a bit.

George Bush professes to be a man of God, and if you have a problem with that, I think you have more of an argument with your Maker than you do with your President.

The more I read Debbie's articles, the more I think her problem is with Maker's Mark.

George Bush has convinced me that he has sought guidance from His Lord since he put his hand on the Bible January 20, 2001. He made an oath to faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and would to the best of his ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States, so help him God." Period.

Not, so help him, John Kerry. Not, so help him, Terry McAuliffe. And certainly, not so help him, Ted Kennedy.

Is Debbie saying that those guys don't seek guidance from Their Lord or that they haven't taken the oath of office to be President of the United States? Either way...

Many times people don't recognize greatness. "I have knocked on the door of this man's soul, and found someone home," said Democratic leader, Zell Miller, as he spoke of George W. Bush at the recent Republican convention.

I agree with Debbie that Zell Miller's statement is a good example of one of those times somebody doesn't recognize greatness.

Some will say to me, "Well, you act as if we shouldn't question anything the President does? No, I question whether or not you prayed for this President first before you started foaming at the mouth with criticism. This man certainly prays to God for you - I'll believe that to my dying day. I do not believe George Bush does anything out of the realm of prayer.

We strive to present you with the weirdest of the weird here at the Dark Window and that, ladies and gentlemen, may be the weirdest yet.

O "we" of little faith. I only ask that you get "Prayed-Up" before this election, and while you're down there on your knees, you might throw out a question to God and ask, "Is it really you, Lord, who has led George Bush?" And if you can come away from the quietness and seriousness of that moment and believe that George Bush has acted solely, without any regard to his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, then I will concede you are absolutely right.

Somehow I'm guessing you won't really concede that, Debbie.

The article's author accuses George Bush of being so identified with the Christian right that his character appears above suspicion. What about identifying him with our Heavenly Father and see what you come up with, Mr. Columnist? Why don't you make that association?

Yeah! What kind of commie columnist doesn't compare George W. Bush to Almighty God?

Do you not see that Satan has used you in a fight for what God has ordained all along? Go ahead and be a puppeteer for Satan's army . . . he has many volunteers, but it takes a brave man to stand alone; it takes a courageous warrior to look the enemy in the eye.

Wow. By Debbie's logic, pretty much everybody who reads the Dark Window is a puppeteer for Satan's army (PSA). Who, exactly, are we controlling, though? Ah, who cares. I'm already painting a PSA on the back of my jacket (right beneath the anarchy sign).

Then the writer went off on a comparison of George Bush to Gregory Peck's Atticus Finch or Gary Cooper's Sheriff in High Noon . . . that they wouldn't do this. (???) And the columnist ends the "screen actor to presidential" comparisons with: Pathetic.

Gee, how many times can Bush be called "pathetic?"

A lot, Debbie. A lot.

Oh, dear Lord in Heaven, please forgive us, for we know not what we do. We're going to pay a high price for this war . . . not the one on terrorism as much as the one we've waged against God.

I'm sorry, but we've slapped God in the face and I'm not sure we're worthy of having a man like George Bush to lead us.

But please know that if Mr. Kerry becomes President, don't think for a moment I won't be praying for him . . . probably more than you could imagine.

There are a lot of things you do, Debbie, that I have a really hard time imagining. So I'm just going to take you at your word here.


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