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Prepare to be horrified...

Thursday, September 02, 2004

It's A Grand Slam!

That's what our old friend Debbie Daniel thinks of the Republican Convention so far. And especially that dreamy Rudy Giuliani. She has an orgasmic new column up at GOP USA that's all about how Rudy got the blood rushing to different parts of her body. As you might expect, it starts with something of a bang.

Giuliani knocked it out of the park! It's going . . . going . . . GONE! That ball was out of there!

I don't know when I've been so exhilarated. I needed to sit down and be quiet for at least five minutes just to catch my breath.

Sounds like a lot of prancing has been going on in the Daniel household during the Republican Convention so far. And, uh, some other stuff, too:

If Rudy Giuliani didn't get the blood rushing through your veins . . . you better check into the local morgue. As I sat and watched the Republican National Convention, I was rocking so fast in my chair, I didn't think I could get the rocker to stop when the speech ended. I was like a race horse needing one more lap around the track to slow my heart rate down, or I would surely die.

You know, I'll bet Seb's wife would really like to get her hands on a copy of Rudy's speech, too.

Debbie Daniel: If her chair's rockin', don't come knockin'.

I know I saw the spirit of Winston Churchill move across that great auditorium at Madison Square Gardens waving his "V" signs for Victory. And right behind him was the great Ronald Reagan with his signature "thumbs up" . . . Oh, what a presence of greatness emanating to every ear that could hear and to every eye that could see the former Mayor of New York hit a homerun for George W. Bush!

Debbie saw the giant ghost of a dead British Prime Minister being followed around by Ronald Reagan giving him a "thumbs up." That can only mean one thing...

Rush is trying to unload his inventory!

I just never knew he could hit so well. His finesse, his grace, his tone, his charm, his laughter, his self-deprecation . . . he brought it all home.

Oh, yeah, baby! Bring it home!

But don't think Rudy's the only part of the convention that's been getting Debbie off so far.

It was wonderful to watch the "Great White Shark" - Michael Moore - have his "in your face" presence at the Republican National Convention spurned for everyone to see. Oh, what a feeling! It did my heart good!

Yes, ladies...Watching Michael Moore get booed is even more fun than the Hitachi Magic Wand!

If you want to see the character of the candidate, look at the character of the protesters. Those are the 1971 John Kerrys out there on the streets of New York - that's who he was and that's who he still is.

We're already hearing of protesters punching people in the face and accosting them with foul language. Is it any wonder we call them the party of DONKEYS?

Anarchists, Democrats...All pretty much the same thing.

Well, the one thing that makes me proud to be a conservative is that we don't have to march up and down the streets screaming obscenities, taking off our clothes, physically assaulting people, or barricading hotel entrances to make our voices heard.

Well, we can at least be thankful that Debbie isn't taking off her clothes.

That's what the ballot box is for. We know first hand from the last national election that they didn't know what a ballot box was; they certainly didn't know how to use one. Republicans don't leave "chads" hanging . . . they are very clear about their choice.

Republicans? Choice? I think maybe Debbie's watching the wrong convention.

Isn't it strange that the protesters were put in cages at the Democrat Convention, but the protesters at this Republican Convention are allowed to spit, taunt, jeer, punch people in the head, and given the freedom to stand stark naked like idiots in the middle of Manhattan to show how peaceful they are? What a stark contrast!

Somebody's definitely "stark" here but I think I might choose to end that phrase with "raving mad."

Doesn't anyone see this picture? John Kerry can stifle the free speech at his convention, but George Bush lets you march right up to the front door.

Maybe people who are really really high see that picture, Debbie. I doubt anybody else does, though.

You might want to re-think who's looking out for your freedom.

I hear music in the air!

And voices in your head!

I don't even want to think about what must have happened when Debbie watched Zell Miller's speech.


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