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Prepare to be horrified...
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
God's Lack Of Faith In America
Jack Kinsella, Hal Lindsey's lovable sidekick and Oracle in Training (OiT), is back and he has an exciting new column in which he tries to figure out why America doesn't show up in the Bible's description of the End Times.
In the Bible's Big Picture scenario for the last days, there are four spheres of world power; Gog-Magog, the Kings of the East, the Kings of the South and the antichrist's revived Roman Empire. But there is no mention of a fifth, overarching superpower resembling the United States of America.
Why does God hate America? He's nearly as bad as the Leftist media!
Nobody can dogmatically say what happened to remove the US from the Big Picture -- it simply isn't there.
A person other than Jack or Hal might come to conclusion that a lot of the stuff Bible prophecy teachers throw around "simply isn't there" but we'll leave that discussion for another time.
One possible reason might be the Rapture of the Church.
Another possible reason might be rabid monkeys flying fighter jets and blowing up Washington, DC. That's the fun of this type of conjecture...You can say pretty much anything.
In this view, the Lord returns for His Church. The instantaneous disappearance of millions of Americans, together with most of the Bush Cabinet, the military leadership and at least part of the House and Senate would cripple America beyond recognition. Therefore, America is absent from Scripture because the Rapture made her inconsequential.
Well, if the Rapture means that God's going to take away all the Republicans, maybe I shouldn't be so hard on the idea.
Jack Kinsella, furiously awaiting the Rapture
(You can tell he knows what he's talking about because of that degree on the wall behind him.)
Personally, this is my favorite explanation, but only because I prefer it, not because I have any Scriptural reason to believe it.
Translation: "I'm really just making stuff up."
Which naturally leads him to quote from another guy who enjoys making stuff up:
Quoting once more from Senator Miller's speech: "Now, while young Americans are dying in the sands of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan, our nation is being torn apart and made weaker because of the Democrat's manic obsession to bring down our Commander in Chief."
Zell Miller and the Bible...Two windows onto God's plan for America.
It is just as possible that America hands its future over to the liberals who bear the responsibility for its international reputation as a dishonest, thieving, immoral paper tiger that so much of world now believes deserves to be destroyed.
So if John Kerry becomes President, America will not play a major role in End Times events, which is what Jack says is in the Bibly anyway. That can only mean one thing:
God wants us to vote for John Kerry!
You heard the news here first, ladies and gentlemen! Kerry gets the coveted Divine Endorsement. Now if only he can get an endorsement from Ric Flair, he'll be sitting pretty.