Weblog Commenting and Trackback by HaloScan.com The Dark Window: Make The Terrorists Pay...YOU!

Prepare to be horrified...

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Make The Terrorists Pay...YOU!

Well, I'm still kind of nervous about all these terrorism alerts. Even though I can now kill a terrorist with my bare hands, I feel like I'm lacking something somehow. Something to make me feel safe and secure from possible future terrorist acts. Fortunately NewsMax reminded me what it was...MONEY!

A kind and very patriotic gentleman named J. Christoph Amberger is advertising a can't-lose proposition there right now. He calls it Make The Terrorists Pay!

It's one of those standard NewsMax "articles" that's really a sales pitch disguised as news. And in this case, it's also disguised as a letter. After starting with a friendly salutation, J. Christoph shares this bit of timely wisdom:

Like it or not, terrorism is redefining how we live our lives...

Yes, I'm sure many out there like it, JC.

Of course, nothing would be better than to see each and every terrorist wiped off the face of the earth for good. And while it may take time to completely rid the world of these threats... there's a simple, perhaps inevitable way to make several times your money – all at the expense of America-hating terrorists.

That's true. Nothing would be better than ending terrorism...EXCEPT MAYBE MAKING A WHOLE BUNCH OF MONEY!!! And if it's done via an "inevitable" way, well, how can you top that?

You see, there is a handful of companies working round the clock to help secure America's homeland. These companies are on the verge of creating breakthrough antiterrorism security systems unlike anything you've ever seen.

An investment in these companies now could easily make you 60 times your money this year.

Osama's sure going to be mad I took so much of his dough! I hope he doesn't take it personally. Wait, I mean I hope he does! Up yours, Osama!

But it's not just the new antiterrorist technology that makes these companies a great investment. The real secret behind this opportunity is because of a major shortage of shares in these stocks – which is pushing demand to record levels.

Aha. "Major shortage of shares." Back when I actively traded stocks, we had another term for plays like this. I'll just let you market-savvy folks guess what it was.

This shortage is setting up to be a bigger windfall than the dot-com explosion, which made Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban $2 billion dollars (and another $1 million dollars for each of his 300 employees).

That's right! Some guy in a completely unrelated endeavor made a lot of money! It's bound to happen here, too!

It will be bigger than the personal computer boom, which made Michael Dell a billionaire... and will be bigger than cell phone boom, which helped Qualcomm (QCOM:NASDAQ) go up 150,000% in ten years.

The terrorism boom (no pun intended). I'm sure our grandchildren will look back upon this era as a golden age.

6,410% Gains at the Expense of Terrorists

Woohoo! Thank you, terrorists!

At this point, J. Christoph mentions a former microcap stock, Taser International, which made a pretty big run.

But don't worry. If you missed out on TASR, that was just the beginning.

With the war efforts in Iraq looking like they'll continue for months (if not years), there'll be an increased demand for stocks providing any type of support, technology, or infrastructure to our military or defense systems.

Say, this sounds a lot more like we'll be making money at the expense of the American taxpayer than the terrorists.

Today, you'll learn about ten new Homeland Security "squeeze play" candidates that stand to cleanse the earth of American-hating terrorists.

And cleanse your wallet of its money.

Our story is suddenly interrupted by a scary banner that reads:

"Terrorists Will Try to Bomb Trains and Buses in Major US Cities this Summer"
-US Department of Defense

That was fun. Now let me try one.

"Sleazy Opportunists Will Try to Make Money from Gullible Wing Nuts this Summer"
- The Dark Window

Sadly, April 2004 was the bloodiest month to date in Iraq, with 134 of our soldiers killed. Combine that with the train bombing in Spain that killed 190 civilians and injured around 1,500, the horrific murder and mutilation of US contract workers in Iraq, and the gruesome beheading of American Nick Berg and other civilian workers – and the US government isn't taking any chances.

Yeah, I guess that was kinda sad. But fortunately, we don't have to be sad for long. Because these events can make YOU rich! At the expense of...uh...terrorists!

If you're not sure about the system yet, JC gives us some exciting testimonials.

"Thanks for TASR - it's been a beautiful ride - I've been watching it since it was at $23, finally caved and bought it at $32. Then I sold it back at $54, wanted to kick myself and bought it back at $62. You're the BOMB! Thanks and keep 'em coming!"
- Taipan member Orly V.

Yeah, the BOMB! Hmmm...Bomb...Now that'd make us some money!

Of course now that TASR's trading at $28, Orly V. is probably kicking himself even harder.

Still not convinced that you need this system?

HOMELAND SECURITY IS THE NEXT MEGA-TREND. And it's crucial for you to understand that it's still in the infancy stages of growth. Five years from now, the homeland security sector could prove to be bigger than the dot-com explosion, bigger than the human genome boom, bigger than the personal computer boom, and perhaps even bigger than the cell phone boom.

And dare I say it? Yes, I will. Homeland security could very well prove to be even bigger than Jesus.

And hey, this system will only cost you $59 bucks! Kind of a small price to pay for a boom bigger than Jesus, don't you think?

How to Make Money This Year While Others Are Losing

That's getting closer to the truth, I think.

And now J. Christoph Amberger sees two possible choices:

You can either stand by and do nothing, and possibly let these terrorist killers jeopardize your safety, your family, your savings, US stocks, and other US dollar investments...

- OR -

You can make a simple investment in Homeland Security Winners and earn some of the easiest money you've ever made in your investing career. It's easier and safer to do than it's ever been in the past 100 years.

Cool! I can't wait until our next terrorist attack! It's hard to imagine a safer way to make money than that!

Imagine how smart you're going to feel a year from now when you look at your portfolio and see incredible gains... while all your friends and neighbors are at the mercy of the volatile stock market.

Boy, my neighbor who loses his wife and kids in the next attack will sure feel stupid. If only he'd bought this system like I did!

Anyway, that's pretty much the end of J. Christoph's letter. But as is customary with these "letter" ads, he seems to have forgotten a couple of things.

P.S. Less than 100 days before the start of the Summer Olympics, three bombs exploded outside a police station in Greece – causing security forces to go on high alert amid fears that the 2004 Olympics (the first summer games since the attacks on the United States) could be targeted by militants. Since Greece has a record $1.22 billion security plan for the games, the worldwide attention can only increase the exposure for all of the companies you'll learn about today. Please don't let this opportunity pass you by.

Some poor losers will be chanting "USA USA USA!" Not me. I'll be chanting "TERR-OR-ISTS TERR-OR-ISTS TERR-OR-ISTS" Who ever thought terrorism could have so many positive benefits?

And just in case you forgot that terrorism does indeed have its benefits, there's this second afterthought:

P.P.S. Terrorists will stop at nothing to harm Americans. Please don't let these killers jeopardize your safety, your family, and your portfolio. Use our Homeland Security Winners report to protect yourself in these frightening and uncertain times.

Because if you buy this wonderful system you will be immune from attacks.

Now that I think about it, maybe our Dear Leader should just buy this system for the whole country.

Happy investing, everybody! And may all your profits be EXPLOSIVE!


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