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Prepare to be horrified...
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
John L. Perry: Defending American Culture Against Barack Obama
I've often wondered just how low NewsMax will eventually go in their bid to be "America's News Page." Well, the new John L. Perry column may be a pretty good indication. It's called Obama Mambo.
In it, John takes us way back to the good old days of family values when men were men, women were women, and darkies had their own special fountains from which to drink.
Amid the mumbo-jumbo at the Bean Town Demo blah-blah was the ga-ga promo of Chicago politico Barack Obama as the party’s newest Great Pinko Hope.
As told to the Wing Nut blah-blahs by NewsMax's newest Great White Code-Talker. Of course this being NewsMax, the code isn't all that hard to break.
Leftist media are even now busily endeavoring to orchestrate Obama’s elevation – leapfrogging him out of national obscurity – to the United States Senate. Can 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue be far behind?
Good thing John's here to slap that boy back down. Don't want him gettin' too uppity!
Pseudo-journalists are huffing and harrumphing over the audacity of Alan Keyes to oppose Obama by moving his residence from Maryland to Illinois – one of the five “home” jurisdictions of Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., if you count the District of Columbia and her Global Village.
I remember a lot of Wing Nuts "huffing and harrumphing" when Hillary ran for the Senate in New York. All I hear now is people laughing at Keyes and his "principles."
"I deeply resent the destruction of federalism represented by Hillary Clinton's willingness to go into a state she doesn't even live in and pretend to represent people there. So I certainly wouldn't imitate it."
- Principled Alan
And say...Now that I think about it, I guess John can't really be saying what it sounds like he's saying since he supports that eloquent fella from Maryland.
Please, No Four-Letter Words
No denying Obama has what it takes for a boffo political career in this era of mass-comm quick-take sound-bites. His last name is loaded for alliteration with letters you can count on the fingers of one hand, with the help of a left pinkie to remind you of his political coloration.
Think, also, what license the dyslectic rent-a-crowd poster-scribblers will have with Barack Obama’s moniker. Seemingly endless permutations off the letters spelling Obama are good for many a quality-time family-values game of “Anagrams.”
I can't tell if John's saying that Obama's anti-family for having the name he has or if good wholesome families would be stumped by such a blatantly anti-American name. Either way, his true meaning isn't far behind.
Because it's time to break out the jungle music!
Already you can hear rappers ranting out best-seller CDs without once repeating themselves:
“Obama, Boama, Amabo, Maboa.
“Oamba, Bamoa, Abamo, Maoba.
“Oabam, Baoma, Amoba, Moaba.
“Obaam, Bamao, Aobma, Mboaa.
“Obmaa, Bomaa, Aobam, Maaob.”
Captures the very heart and soul of America, doesn’t it?.
Well, I'll say one thing...John manages to capture the very heart and soul of a Mississippi lawn fire.
(Speaking of the very heart and soul of America, perhaps Alison, our resident anagram expert, can come up with some fun quality-time family-values names for John.)
But back to John's song.
Everybody Sing Now
“We’re Barack Obama bound!
“There'll be no heebie-jeebies hanging 'round.
“All aboard Barack’s Express!”
Jes' you make sure you stay in the back of that bus, though, boy! We don't let no heebie-jeebies up here with us patriots.
Who let that duck in?
I don't know. I'm too busy worrying about who let the guy with the white hood in.
Oh, yeah. It was NewsMax.
John L. Perry