Weblog Commenting and Trackback by HaloScan.com The Dark Window: God, Prophecy, And How The Terrorists Hit Us Where It Really Hurts (Our National Groin)

Prepare to be horrified...

Friday, August 27, 2004

God, Prophecy, And How The Terrorists Hit Us Where It Really Hurts (Our National Groin)

Over the past several weeks, the good folks at World Net Daily have been constantly hyping a book by Michael D. Evans about America's role in Bible prophecy. Today they went a little further and linked to an interview with the author himself.

As you'd expect from a World Net Daily link, it's a good one.

Just try to keep one thing in mind as you read it...While this guy may seem like a fringe crackpot, he's a fringe crackpot with a great deal of influence. His book is currently at #10 on the New York Times bestseller list.

Michael D. Evans is an evangelist, writer, and founder of the Jerusalem Prayer Team, whose mission is "to guard, defend and protect the Jewish people...until the redeemer comes to Zion." Among its supporters are televangelist Pat Robertson, and Tim LaHaye, author of the best-selling "Left Behind" novels.

Given that Michael's mission is to guard the poor Jews until Jesus gets a chance to convert them, is it any surprise that Pat and Tim are here too?

Two weeks ago, Evans published a book, The American Prophecies: Ancient Scriptures Reveal Our Nation's Future, in which he theorizes that biblical prophets predicted America is doomed unless it stops accommodating the Arab world in exchange for its oil. He believes Americans are risking God's wrath by not supporting what he believes is God's biblical mandate that Israel have full control of the West Bank and Gaza. Evans also theorizes that many of America's problems--including September 11--are evidence of God's fury that America doesn't fully support Israel.

I certainly can't find any flaws in that analysis so let's get right to the questions.

Why do you say that America’s story is contained within biblical prophecies?

Michael begins his response to this question by talking about Ishmael, Isaac, and Franklin D. Roosevelt. But then he unleashes something of a surprise.

On Sept. 23, 1979, the founder of Israeli intelligence over dinner told me that America was developing a tolerance for terror. The gentleman’s name was Isser Harel, the founder of Mossad Israeli intelligence—he ran it from 1947 to 1963. He told me that America had developed an alliance between two countries, Israel and Saudi Arabia, and that the alliance with Saudi Arabia was dangerous and would develop a tolerance for terror among Americans. He said if the tolerance continued that Islamic fundamentalists would ultimately strike America. I said “Where?” He said, “In Islamic theology, the phallic symbol is very important. Your biggest phallic symbol is New York City and your tallest building will be the phallic symbol they will hit.” Isser Harel prophesied that the tallest building in New York would be the first building hit by Islamic fundamentalists 21 years ago.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the Bible tells us that terrorists attacked the World Trade Center because it looked like a really big penis.

So extrapolating from the scenarios of the Bible, what do you believe is our nation’s future, based on prophecy?

The story of prophecy that has to do with the Jews goes all the way through to the end of the Book of Revelation. Jesus prophesied in Matthew 24. The disciples said, “What shall be the signs of the coming of the ends of the age?” And he said, “The first sign would be deception.” Now, there’s never been greater deception then what happened on September 11, 2001. In the 1990s, New Age relativism redefined a terrorist as just an “extremist.” Bill Clinton and his moral relativism wanted [a Middle East peace agreement] because he was trying to get a postage stamp of himself over Monica’s face. By doing that, he sent a signal to the Islamic fundamentalist world that was already in a rage, that America would embrace terrorism.

Michael's really a brilliant man. How could we have missed such an obvious connection between blowjobs and terrorism for all these years? The only thing I can figure is because we took the Bible out of so many public places. If only we'd listened to Judge Roy (Rob) Moore when we had the chance!

What does your theory mean for the coming presidential election?

Number one, we’re in a horrendous battle between darkness and light. We began with a distraction of our moral principles We saw it through the 1960s and the 1970s. We saw it through abortion and prayer in school and all these other issues. We saw it in the White House through Clinton. Then we saw that it translated into our foreign policy--not just our domestic policy. It spread like the Ebola virus.

Any question which candidate is darkness and which one's light? Hey, people, don't look at me like that...It's in the freakin' Bible, for God's sake!

And now we realize that the holy grail of understanding is that 9/11 was the most apocalyptic day in American history. And we woke up from our innocence to realize that we cannot put our heads in the sand any longer. We’ve got to stand up to the New Agers who believe that a terrorist is not a terrorist.

Wow. So the New Agers are behind the terrorist attacks too. Who knew? Oh, right. God and Michael did.

I want to get back to the presidential election. You support President Bush. What happens if Kerry wins?

If Kerry wins, we get Clinton all over again because Kerry has already brought in most of Clinton’s holdovers. We’ll get New Age liberals who will have the same Middle East policies that Clinton had, which is no Middle East policy. We’ll go back to more peace conferences, we’ll go back to getting the Jews to give up more land, putting more pressure on Israel. It will be the liberal, New Age, kumbaya mantra that will wreck this country.

Nothing more ungodly than a damn peace conference.

But in a prophetic sense what does that mean?

We’ll get two Sauls in a row. King Saul was rejected by God. We’ll have gone from a Clinton Saul to a Kerry Saul.

You know, I was going to make a joke about getting two Wing Nuts in a row but then I realized that Michael's in a very special class all by himself.

Do you envision an apocalyptic scenario as a result?

I think it will open the floodgates for more terror. Because the only things terrorists understand is power. This is a battle between two books, two kingdoms and two spirits.

And two really giant penises. Don't forget that one.

But how does it help them if Kerry is elected?

Kerry is going to be a New Ager. He’s going to be a One World boy. He’s going to unify France and Germany and a lot of the countries that the Saudis kiss up to. So the Saudis are going to feel like, “Happy days are here again,”--like they were under Bill Clinton. George Bush believes that a war is going on, and that the Saudis are helping fund it. Kerry doesn’t feel that way. Kerry is going to be kinder and gentler to the Saudis, and he’ll talk to them. Bush will probably continue fighting the war on terrorism, whereas Kerry will try to find a way of redefining the war on terrorism as good terrorists vs. bad terrorists or good terrorist states vs. bad terrorist states.

What on earth could I possibly say to that?

Have a great weekend, everybody! And please keep your pants on...We don't want to provoke the terrorists!

Update: S.Z. reminds me that Bartholomew previewed Michael Evans' book last month. Make sure you check out his excellent piece in which we learn that God Himself may have killed F.D.R.


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