Weblog Commenting and Trackback by HaloScan.com The Dark Window: The Dangerous World of Vox's Voters

Prepare to be horrified...

Thursday, June 10, 2004

The Dangerous World of Vox's Voters

We are now entering the fourth and final day of the Vox Challenge and I thought this might be a good time to reassess my own assumptions about women's suffrage. Who knows, maybe I’ve been wrong all along. So I decided to visit Vox's blog to find some accurate information that would help me make a more enlightened decision.

A common refrain from both Vox and his loyal readers (and a good reason to disenfranchise voters) is that women and liberals base their decisions solely on emotion and irrational fear while males (especially conservative Christian males) think logically, making decisions by actually processing information in an intellectual manner.

Sure it sounds like a simplistic generalization but what if Vox is right? Do we really want people to be able to cast their votes based on feeeeelings rather than on logical thought?

Since I already know how women and girly liberal men (i.e. Frederick and Seb) tend to vote, I wanted to find the kind of people Vox describes in order to understand how their superior thought processes work.

The first people I could think of to fit the bill were the intellectual sages over at BushCountry.org – the people "Promoting the Ideals of Conservatism." As a friendly service to Vox, I hold up these self-proclaimed conservative Christian voters as an example of what good voters should look like.

Fortunately, the good voters have a timely article up right now that should serve our purposes nicely.

June 2004...The Beginning Of The End?

This is a follow up piece from a previous article posted back in May. Bush Country promised our readers several weeks ago we would post the last email from an individual who has stumbled across "possible" disturbing events. Although the information in this article points to "apocalyptic" events within a month's time frame, unless the Anti-Christ is revealed to the entire world in June, we believe they will not occur.

Sounds pretty logical so far.

Therefore, unless the entire world is introduced to the Anti-Christ in June, we have to believe these events will not be taking place, so you should rest safely on that.

"Entire world, meet the Anti-Christ. Anti-Christ, Entire world."

The coincidences are incredible though and do lead one to check your salvation.

Check it for what, exactly?

This is a fairly interesting disclaimer. They're telling us they can't believe these things are true because then their view of the Bible would be wrong. But still, a lot of their readers are worried and it sure sounds like it might happen so they'd better warn us just in case.

Lastly, be it one month away, or one thousand years away from God's wrath upon the earth and its inhabitants, God will not pour His wrath out upon His children and that is the comfort all those who are His can have. With that, here is the article.

Their comfort is that God will pour his wrath upon the earth's inhabitants while they're kept safe? I may be way off base here but that doesn't sound very nice and...ahhh, crap. I guess I've just demonstrated how I'm ruled by my feeeeelings. Perhaps I should voluntarily give up my vote right now.

I assume that by "His children" they mean Bush supporters and other like-minded conservatives. This doesn't bode well for me.

Anywhoo, after their little disclaimer, Bush Country gives us "the article" itself which is actually an e-mail from some Australian guy (called Aussie Bloke) who claims a comet will be hitting the earth this month. Bush Country has been posting these "articles" regularly and they appear to have been a great hit among the conservative male voters.

To give you an example of what the logical mind is drawn to, some previous Aussie Bloke "articles" have included facts like:

PEOPLE....there IS IN FACT some very SERIOUS and DEVASTATING objects coming our way RIGHT NOW!!!!! RUN and try to survive. It will be the biggest light show in the history of the world.


It IS a comet...of sorts...surrounded by a hell of a lot of debris. There will be several impacts of differing sizes spread over the globe. The bombardment will last a week or so at most. The largest fragment will rock the planet and the smaller ones will wipe out a city here or there depending on where they come down. There WILL be quakes and firestorms and major flooding of coastlines due to ocean impacts. Yes...it will be much like the movie "deep impact" only worse.

Good heavens! What could possibly be worse than having to watch "deep impact" again? This really is a calamity.

After 2 Weeks of visiting his family/saying goodbye, Aussie Bloke came back and true to his word, posted on the 29th of May who he is. His comments are noted below:

True to his word. See? Aussie Bloke demonstrates that Conservative trait of honesty right off the bat. And his honesty makes what he's going to tell us even scarier and more believable. What's he telling us? That we will probably be destroyed during the month of June. (Boo for June!)

At this point, I'd like to interject another common line of thought from Vox's people – namely that liberals simply don't understand history. Let's see how the enlightened male conservative voter uses history so we can learn from him:

These fireballs have increased significantly over the last several weeks and are happening EVERYWHERE.

Fireball Near Grover’s Mill, N.J.

Startled New Jersey residents tied-up the phone lines late this evening calling authorities to report a large orange fireball that passed over the town and apparently hit the ground several miles west of Grover's MIll.

My friend Ivan, a noted old-time radio expert, would certainly be better equipped to comment upon this than I but I'll give it a shot...Grover's Mill, New Jersey was the town Orson Welles used in his 1938 "War of the Worlds" radio hoax. You know, the one where Martians landed in a small New Jersey town and started killing everybody.

At least now we know how the Martians have kept themselves occupied since 1938. They've wandered over to Bush Country.

Don't make the liberal mistake of thinking there's not more excellent logical evidence proving we're all doomed, though. One of the new developments in this current Bush Country article comes when Aussie Bloke reveals that he is actually an Australian astronomer named Dr. Elford Gartrell. Interestingly, as he mentions this fact, he misspells his name.

Ah, heck. I do that all the time, too.

It's getting late and I have to be up early so I'll let you find the rest of these anomalies for yourselves. Suffice it to say that there's a lot of fun information. If you read the "articles" you'll learn how most governments are secretly going to the highest levels of alert. You'll learn that nearly all the navies of the world are sending their ships to sea during the month of June. And you'll learn why these things all make such compelling evidence to conservative Christian male voters.

As an aside, the real Dr. Gartrell (now retired) has recently come forward and is apparently not very happy with what he's been telling people. I'm guessing good investigative skills must fall under the "feeeeelings" category.

So I leave it to you to decide, dear readers. Wouldn't we be better off taking away women's votes so that these godly men can use their logical skills (and votes) to save our country?

Tune in next time for the exciting conclusion to Voxic Shock Syndrome.

Update: I see that there's a new article up today at Tech Central Station explaining how the whole Aussie Bloke scare has been a hoax. Evidently lots of logical conservative voters believed it. You know, maybe Vox is right to make such broad generalizations after all...


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