Weblog Commenting and Trackback by HaloScan.com The Dark Window: Movie Night with the RNC

Prepare to be horrified...

Saturday, May 22, 2004

Movie Night with the RNC

Scott W., long-time friend of (and inferior dancer to) the Dark Window, calls our attention to a hot new Republican film entitled Bush Saves the Day. In the interest of streamlining Saturday evening entertainment everywhere, the Dark Window is happy to offer a full review. So just sit back, put your arm around your best gal or guy, and enjoy. Thin mints are on the house.

Encouraged by the widespread popularity of such recent Conservative blockbusters as "The Passion of the Christ" and "The Intelligence of the Chalabi", the Republican National Committee has decided to try its own hand at big budget movie-making. This fine piece of cinematic excellence, the result of nearly four years of behind-the-scenes effort, is the result.

The film opens with a panoramic shot of an old woman in a wheelchair tumbling down a precipitous line chart (that evidently represents the DNC view of Social Security under Bush). A caption appears that says Democrats are trying to scare seniors with "false attacks and lies."

Well, that does seem like a pretty mean thing for Democrats to do, huh? Fortunately, all is not lost. To the dramatic strains of the Superman theme, a buff Bush wearing a superhero costume (think aircraft carrier flight deck) swoops down and snatches the poor old woman from winding up with a zero value on her Y-axis. As he does this, the following stirring words appear at the bottom of the screen:

Bush: Saving Social Security for Seniors and Everyone

I'm not sure why seniors aren't considered part of "everyone." That kind of makes it seem like maybe Bush views them as "no-one," doesn't it? But that can't be, because this movie proves Bush is actually SAVING the seniors. (Hooray for Seniors!)

As they're flying off into the sunset, old Maude (the woman in the wheelchair) looks up at her muscled hero and says, "You saved me."

In true superhero fashion, Bushman responds with: "Let's get you home." (Presumably so they can get it on.)

In order to achieve a PG-rating, the RNC wasn't allowed to show us what happens next. So instead, the titles "No changes in benefits for those at or near retirement " and "No Tax Increases" flash across the screen.

Hmmmm...Given spiraling costs of social security and who-knows-how-much the Iraq invasion and occupation will set us back, how, exactly, is our hero going to pay for this? Oh, right. That's where the title comes in. "Bush saves the DAY." He doesn't HAVE to pay for anything. Because he has no long-term plan.

So the message of this movie, ladies and gentlemen? It's this:

While Bush is out back screwing the old lady, you and I will be paying the bill.

Be sure to tune in next time for another edition of Dark Window Goes to the Movies.
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