Weblog Commenting and Trackback by HaloScan.com The Dark Window: More Shocking Truths from Jack Chick

Prepare to be horrified...

Sunday, May 23, 2004

More Shocking Truths from Jack Chick

Well, we had a bit of fun here at the Dark Window a couple of days ago examining Jack Chick's latest literary offering - a fine tract about the evils of dentists and homosexuals (scroll down if you'd like to see my review). What I didn't realize at the time was that Jack had intended this tract to be read by children. You know, to help them realize that guest speakers at their school will probably have pet demons with them and that they'll try to make the kids gay and throw their parents into jail.

Chick considers this such an important tract that he has published an open letter on his website that explains why he wrote it. It's a fun letter at that so let's have a looksie, shall we?

Chick begins by talking about how he used to be in the army and was as innocent and pure as the driven snow. So right away we know he's a manly man who shoots guns. But we also learn that he was innocent enough not to know that some men like other men in that special way. (Hooray for Jack!) Let's let him continue the story:

"Years later, after my daughter was born, a neighbor told of a sailor who raped a man in our town – I was shocked to say the least! I spent 3 years in the military and never even knew this went on."

My main takeaway from this paragraph is that he had a daughter. Not only is he manly, he's also fertile. Jesus and his readers should be very proud. That sailor rape story sounds a little fishy, though. He's being pretty vague about "a sailor" and "a man." Well, anyway, I'm sure he wasn't involved so let's continue.

"Well beloved, times have changed. The sodomites went on the offensive and Christians, being polite, kept quiet, hoping they would go away. They didn't! This godless crowd got louder and louder and grew in numbers."

Boy, times sure have changed! It seems like only yesterday that good and gentle Christian men like Fred Phelps walked the earth, demonstrating their polite and quiet love by turning the other cheek (Don't EVEN go there, dear reader) in Godly service. But this allowed the evil and godless Gays to buy megaphones and (evidently) have kids. I'm sort of confused here since the common refrain from the Right is that one of the primary problems about Gays is that they can't reproduce. How, then are they growing in numbers? Oh, wait, right...they adopt:

"Our television is an open sewer, glorifying the homosexual lifestyle, making the 'straights' (non-gays) look like a bunch of idiots."

Well, that's certainly the truth. I mean, have you SEEN Bill O'Reilly lately? And I love that Chick feels the need to define what 'straights' means to his audience. Who, exactly, is reading this stuff? Unfortunately, as we continue we learn that the Gays have done even worse things than turning our favorite straight TV characters into idiots. They're also trying to silence our pastors and brainwash our children. That's right, Little Susy...they're coming for you...

"What can be done to block this gay wave rolling into our classrooms?"

I'm thinking we should call Godzilla. He did a pretty good job in stopping Megalon and that giant Moth. And maybe that could be Mel Gibson's next movie: Godzilla vs. The Giant Gay Wave. The wave could be played by Harvey Fierstein in a big foam suit.

Hopefully you've enjoyed our Sunday conversation with Jack. We'll be checking in with him again soon. It's always fun to visit old friends.

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