Weblog Commenting and Trackback by HaloScan.com The Dark Window: God's Plan to Beat John Kerry

Prepare to be horrified...

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

God's Plan to Beat John Kerry

The good folks at World Net Daily have a brand-new "Exclusive" today. I know this because that's the headline blaring right across the top of their fine website. As you probably surmised, it's their usual hard-hitting fare that breaks new ground in investigative journalism.

Divine Intervention Sought in Presidential Race

'Hey, cool,' I think as I click the link. That sounds like a pretty important story. While I'm waiting for the page to load, I have a sudden picture in my head of Bushman and Dick Cheney dancing around an altar, crying out to the vengeful God of the Old Testament to smite the evil Demoncrats so that our nation can continue to glorify Him by making the bad people in Iraq stand on cardboard boxes. (Hooray for Divine Intervention! Boo for run-on sentences!)

If the title of the article is that great, I just can't imagine how good the subtitle is going to be!

Get FREE copy of 'We Will Pray for Election Day' blockbuster

Oh. Damn. Another WND "Exclusive" that's really just an ad to buy one of their crappy books. But I guess it still seems like a pretty important idea, so I'd better review it all the same.

With one of the most important presidential contests in U.S. history less than six months away, WND announces one of the most important books of the year – a powerfully thought-provoking guide to the 2004 elections titled "We Will Pray for Election Day," by Thomas Freiling and Michael Klassen.

The title of their book would indicate to me that this book is all about praying for this year's election but, perhaps not surprisingly, the article avoids discussing prayer completely and goes right to the meat of the book:

After each prayer we give you ideas on how to get involved – from helping register people to vote to working on behalf of a candidate running for office. You are also given an election timeline, a voter registration guide, a summary of key political races in 2004, and additional voter resources.

Because, you know, we're not really expecting the prayer to actually do anything so here are the things you're really going to have to do to get George W. Bush re-elected.

Even though the article is an "Exclusive," it's still pretty vague so I'm happy to see that World Net Daily is kind enough to provide a link to their store (cleverly named ShopNetDaily) so that I can buy a copy for myself. Fortunately there's a bit more information about this timely and important book there.

There have been many critical moments in America's history – from the first Continental Congress in 1774 to Lincoln's Emancipation Proclamation in 1863. And now, the election of November 2, 2004.

That's right. Many critical moments indeed. Three, in fact, if I count correctly. First it was freedom from the British. Then it was freedom from the slaveholders. And now, perhaps most importantly, it's freedom from history's greatest tyrants: The Democrats!

Once again, forces of evil threaten America. From attacks on this nation's homeland to assaults on its morals and God-given values, in-your-face evil has caused people of conscience to wonder aloud what they can do to protect and restore their country.

Boy, that's true. All this in-my-face evil is really starting to get me down. And I'm not even a person of conscience! Nothing really about the prayers here either, though, so I'm guessing the authors aren't putting a whole lot of stock in that part of their work. I wonder what else they've got for me. Oh, right, I forgot:

a voter registration guide, summaries of key races, and dozens of effective ways for you, your family and your friends to make a difference!

So if I understand this correctly (and I'm pretty sure I do), what they're telling me to do is to skim a few prayers at the beginning of their book, read the section that tells me who to vote for, and then make all my family and friends vote for them, too!

Well, fair enough. I wonder who they're going to want me to vote for, though.

Fortunately, there's a little note at the bottom of their "Exclusive" that helps me here, too.

SPECIAL OFFER: For a limited time, get a FREE copy of "We Will Pray for Election Day" when you subscribe to WND's acclaimed monthly Whistleblower magazine, or renew or give a gift Whistleblower subscription.

Whistleblower, eh? I wonder what the title of this month's issue is.

THE PARTY OF TREASON - Today's Democrats: Corrupting morals, stealing elections, aiding enemies

I thank you, God, for blowing the whistle of truth. And since I don't have to worry about this praying nonsense anymore, I'm going to go grab a drink. I sure hope Jack's free!
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