Weblog Commenting and Trackback by HaloScan.com The Dark Window: The Dark Window Guide to Holiness and Conservative Singles

Prepare to be horrified...

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

The Dark Window Guide to Holiness and Conservative Singles

So the evil Dr. No is over at his blog making fun of me because I don't have a girlfriend. Or maybe he's trying to come on to me. I'm not really sure but either way I thought I'd better start scouring the net for quality dating sites to find both of us new mates. (Per Frederick, the Doctor seems to be quite curious lately)

Happily, I very quickly found a most excellent place to meet quality singles: HIS Singles Ministry - a website "Promoting Holiness Life-Styles" for those of a more conservative nature.

Sister TaRena Nail, the founder and CEO of HIS Singles, greets us on the home page and tells us why she started this helpful service in the first place:

I was introduced to the world of computers and the internet while still a very impressionable kid in high school. Thankfully I was priviledged to attend a very strict private school through our church where the six inch rule was enforced and anything more violent that swatting flies was strictly prohibited from the computer labs.

Six inch rule, eh? Given that this is a Holiness site, do you think that means 'bigger than' or 'smaller than'? Well, even if it's the latter, I might be able to find somebody here for Dr. No so I'll keep looking. Let's see what Sister Tonya Carpenter, the Vice Chairman (that sounds fun), has to say:

I am excited about the site, its concept and all the potential it has for EVERYONE! And feel strongly that IF the site can keep one young person from drifting away from the faith, exploring other avenues or even websites, ?? then it has served a great pupose. (question marks hers)

EVERYONE, huh? Well, that certainly includes Dr. No. And if we can keep him from visiting that Sadly, No! website of his, we will have served a great purpose.

Anyway, let's see what the Mission page tells us about finding some Godly partners.

Believe it or not it is a struggle for singles, to take off work and spend money they don't have year after year to attend campmeetings where year after endless year they become more and more of a minority with seemingly nothing in common, not even the weather with married people. As singles become fewer and older every year they become more and more an object of pity in the eyes of married couples because of their singlehood.

Yes, as was evidenced by Dr. No's comment towards me, this is correct. So where do I go next?

Oh. I have to fill out a subscription form. Let's see here...

Are you saved? Mmmm, probably not.

Are you sanctified? Uhh...

Are you filled with the Holy Ghost?? Yeah, see, I'm just looking for some cute chicks who dig bloggers and...

How do you view the God-head? Hehe...

Do you believe it is okay for a woman to cut or trim any portion of her hair? Hey, man, this is starting to get a little creepy. What are you people? French? French-Canadian?

Is it okay for a man to wear a dress? Well, Dr. No certainly seems to think so.

Is it okay for a woman to wear pants? Now we're talkin'! You people move fast!

Do you believe in Hell as a literal burning pit of punishment for unbelievers and sinners? Hey, who cares, man. Let's get back to that no pants thing.

Hm. Well, anyway, that was easy. I just click submit and wait for the conservative babes to fall at our feet, I guess.

Dr. No and I are all signed up now. Here's hoping we snag ourselves a couple of fine sistahs!

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