Weblog Commenting and Trackback by HaloScan.com The Dark Window: All Questions Answered

Prepare to be horrified...

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

All Questions Answered

Since I began this blog earlier today, I've been literally overwhelmed by thousands and thousands of questions. I'll try to answer just a few of the more representative ones here.

"Who are you and what have you done with the Internet?"

I'm Pete M and I've single-handedly rendered it obsolete. I am the new one-stop shop for all your informational needs. That's right, folks. From here on out, you'll never need to visit another website again. Everything you could ever need to know will be found right here. Just think of me as an informed, honest, and incredibly hot Rush Limbaugh. Uh, but without the goofball right wing ideas.

"Are you really as cool as everybody's saying?"

Far cooler, I assure you.

"What kinds of things will you have on your prestigious and life-changing blog?"

Everything you could possibly desire. Whether it's political parodies, ghost stories of old San Francisco, book and music reviews, shameless self-promotion, or the state of the underground Goth scene in St. Gallen, Switzerland, you'll find it all right here. Feel free to delete all your other Internet bookmarks. I promise you that you'll never need them again.

"Would I be a stupid idiot if I didn’t visit your blog every day?"

Yes, unfortunately you would. And you'd probably love Ann Coulter, too. And have recurring sexual fantasies of Karl Rove in a unitard. So visit.

"Why did you start blogging now, when you could just as easily have asked for a Nobel Prize and won?"

I was tired of seeing people like the lovely S.Z. and the evil Dr. Seb No raking in money hand over fist while no-talent hacks such as myself languished in poverty. Now, at least, I'll be able to languish in poverty AND obscurity. Unless YOU, my wretched subjects loyal friends, start reading my blog every day. Then I'll be able to climb the lofty heights of pundit stardom, crushing lesser bloggers under my well-heeled heels, and remake the world in my own sinister imag...er, I mean then I'll be happy and maybe even finally able to buy my cat those gourmet treats they have at Safeway.

"Are you saying I should tell every one of my friends about your blog – even if they don't have computers?"

Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. The Revolution starts right here, right now. Don't let me down or Dr. No goes back into the hospital. Capisce?


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